Loss...

Took a bit of a drawing break for my hand. All good. Didn't talk about it last time, but Sora the Scrub Jay is gone. Haven't seen her since a storm we had a few weeks ago. Almost exactly a year after Aoi left the same way. Her offspring, Tasu is still here, but uncomfortable around me. Two new jays have been hanging around ever since. One that won't come near. The other I'm calling GeroGero, because there's a unique croak to their voice. GeroGero is bolder and intrigued by me, but very cautious.

Gotta admit that losing both Aoi and Sora after such long relationships kinda killed me. Sora especially has been really important to me during the last couple of years. Extremely glad I took some video and did drawings of her recently. We never had pets growing up... well... we had fish, but yeah. I realize I'm feeling the pain of losing a pet for the first time. She just happened to be wild.

Maybe she's just off nesting somewhere else, but I'm not keeping up any hope that she'll return.

...

So I was already kind of low. Then a fucking ship full of children flipped over and sank in South Korea.

Fucking fuck.

Been following that story for the last few days. It's just... fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck... etc...
My attachment to Kpop stuff is irrelevant. It's just another fucking horrifying senseless tragedy and it's agonizing to look at the pictures and know that the missing are RIGHT THERE and yet unreachable and I'm just angry and sad about the whole thing and feel totally deflated.

As I sometimes do when I'm feeling sad and brain-numb, I went to Youtube and watched a tragic ballet. Romeo & Juliet. Drew Ferri and zoned the fuck out...

Fuck.
I'm sad.
I'm okay, but I'm fucking sad.

Arsenal made it through to the FA cup final after a white-knuckle anxious semi-final that went to penalties. Exhausting. Mes might be back in the team for the PL game on Sunday. Positive things.

I'm gonna go eat an apple with some peanut butter.