A series of unrelated images...

"Using the bones of my adversaries to build a ladder." - Hank Green

My contribution to the little Hank Green Out Of Context project over on tumblr.
Here's the recap post with all the entries.
Super cute!

Happened to see these two mourning doves gettin' it on in the backyard a few weeks ago. Ha! Get a room!

We're gearing up for a garden. Hadn't spent much time out with the birds through the wet winter. A few days ago I noticed one of the Scrub Jays has a bum wing.
Hanging awkwardly. And the poor thing isn't able to fly very well. It was extremely windy the last couple days and I didn't see him. Hopefully get out tomorrow to see if he's around/better.

D:

Took me forever to crack open the Nvidia Shield Tablet replacement after the recall. Just kept putting it off. Then I had all the Windows 10 troubles and didn't want to deal with it. I was planning on rooting it so I could format my SD as internal storage and do all that. It was daunting, so I procrastinated. 

But then there was a huge update around the new year, which integrated everything I would have wanted to do into the Nvidia... no need to root. So that spurred me to get the replacement going.

I've been using it since and it's perfect in every way for my needs. That update freed up an enormous amount of space and made the SD formatting super streamlined and easy. Woo!
I expected the old one to shut off much sooner than it did. It continued to work for like three months until it bricked itself. Thus ended the life of my first tablet. I gave it a ceremonial burial in the 'ship this tablet carefully so it doesn't blow up in transport'  box that Nvidia provided.
Bye, tablet! I barely knew ye!

ONE BERNIE, PLEASE!

The election was already ridiculous, but things have really escalated into madness over the last month. The DNC is totally effed. The fraud, the rigging, the voting problems... it's all gross.

I imagine it will only get worse closer to the convention. I'm appalled by how Clinton is representing herself through all this.

It's going to be Hillary vs. Trump and that's...

... ugh...

... uuuugggghhhhh...

We need election reform, news media reform, all the reform. Good god. It's bad.
I'd like to think Hillary can get a landslide over Trump.
I'm genuinely paranoid this could go very differently.

UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

In happier and vastly more entertaining news, the end of the Premier League season was an absolute delight.
Leicester won by 10 points. No one was touching them.
But the runner-up positions were still in tight contention up to the end. Tottenham, having their best season... ever, could have pulled off 2nd and finished above Arsenal for the first time in 20 years. The rivalry runs so deep that this had Arsenal fans shitting themselves. But then Tottenham choked in their last few games allowing us to gain on them.
It came down to the last game of the season.

Arsenal played Aston Villa (relegated)
Tottenham played Newcastle (relegated)

These games were played simultaneously. Tottenham only needed a draw to hold 2nd.
We had to win.

And beautiful beautiful Newcastle, playing purely for the yucks, absolutely destroyed Tottenham. They even went down to 10 men... and still destroyed Tottenham. 5 - 1.
Each time they scored, Arsenal fans went absolutely nuts, getting the results through social media.
And Arsenal won. 4 - 0.

Thereby, Arsenal popped above Tottenham into 2nd and the 21st St. Totteringham's Day in a row was celebrated like we'd won the damn league ourselves.



IT'S HAPPENED AGAIN! IT'S HAPPENED AGAAAAAIIIIINNNN!
TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR, IT'S HAPPENED AGGAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNN!

Being an American who really doesn't care all that much about clubs and their local rivalries...
This was just far too comical to not enjoy in every way.

The narrative. THE NARRATIVE.

This season was so damn strange anyway. Very amusing.
It'll be interesting to see if it gets crazier next season, or if things get back to something more normal.
Euros over the summer though! That'll be fun.
I'm determined to stay relaxed and detached this time so I don't have a total anxiety meltdown like I had during Germany's run for the World Cup.

Gotta be chill.

Too many things...

Football

Özil was on an insane roll during the first half of the season. Assist-machine is an understatement. Around the holidays I thought of doing this Norman Rockwell mash-up with the Gunners. His PR people started a little contest for memes/comics/sketches related to his assist record, so I figured I participate with the idea. Not concerned with the contest really, I just think it's cool of him/his people to do fun things like that.

Kicked it out rather rapidly to preserve my fingers, so it looks sloppy as all get-out to me. Lol.

Been a wild season. Leiscester is still top. Arsenal just beat them in a massive game over the weekend... with a goal assisted by Mesut to Welbeck in literally the last minute of the game.

Near pissed myself.

Politics

I've always participated in terms of researching and voting, but also felt it's all pretty bullshit-y and helpless. For the first time in my life I get to vote for someone I sincerely want to be the president. Not a lesser of evils or whatever. My ideals have alignment with an actual candidate... remarkable!

Bernie, of course.

Bernie Bernie Bernie.

There was a time when I 'supported' Hillary, because it seemed likely she would run in the future and she would have aligned a lot closer than anyone else I had seen. And even now, if it got to be her as the nominee, I would feel relatively comfortable in voting for her.

Then she started campaigning in earnest. And against Bernie. And it all turned to shit.

At this point it feels like a betrayal. With the absolute clusterfuck happening on the Republican side there was this extraordinary golden opportunity for the Democrats to show a positive, intelligent, and united front. They started out that way... a bit. But then instead of steadily and logically expressing the differences between the Dems and their reasons for their platforms, Hillary made an about-face. She started eating her own. Attacked the other guys by straw-manning and misrepresenting their positions on the major issues and disparaging them.

Especially now that it's just her and Bernie, she does this constantly, which is especially ridiculous because Bernie's record is rock solid. And when Bernie accurately refers to her inconsistent record she gets hyper-defensive, calling it an attack, sexism, harassment, and "artful smear".

WTF.

And the polls show I'm not the only one WTF-ing. It's clear that the group of people voting for her are people unfamiliar with her record, leaning on name recognition and assuming everything she says is true.

She's overwhelmingly distrusted by young people. I'm convinced it's because young people are using the internet, researching her record, seeing videos like this one where we hear her own words out of her own mouth... and her claims of consistency become instantly hollow and dishonest.

And a longer one.

I agree with Bernie here. It's not exactly a problem that she has changed her mind on things, but it's the way she now claims consistency during debates. She knows her constituency won't check what she says. So she just states that she has always had the position she currently has even though that's bullshit.

I'm so angry about this I don't want to vote for her at all. Even if she's the nominee over Bernie.

I'd rather vote for Jill Stein or write in Bernie. It's just so fucking aggravating that she had the opportunity to be honest, forthright, and strong... she would have been an easy shoo-in. But she or her people thought it would make her look stronger to bullshit and attack the other Democrats.

Utter fuck-up as I see it.

At any rate, BERNIE SANDERS FOR PRESIDENT.

Scalia died over the weekend. Holy shit. The Republicans are crapping their pants and warning Obama against replacing him during an election year. That he shouldn't even bother and let the 'American people' choose based on who becomes the President. Lunatics. We voted for Obama twice. He's got a year left. That's his responsibility and we gave it to him.

I sincerely think the Republicans have lost their damn minds. I've watched every debate on both sides. It's a fucking circus over there. I'd be horrified if I was a Republican to see that total shit-show. It's a farce.

Also been watching the Flint crisis, which is heinous beyond words.

Thinking often of MLK's Three Evils of Society. Greed. Racism. War.

Thinking often of Chaplin's Great Dictator.

I was raised on Star Trek. Measure of a Man. The Drumhead. Who Watches the Watchers.

I can't help but crave utopian ideals. How can there ever be change if we are constantly leaning backwards into stagnation and the status quo?

JYJ

The variety show hilarity they recorded right before Jaejoong enlisted will be coming out soon. Really takes me back to the old days seeing the clips/highlights. Laughter and tears all the way through.

Yoochun released a mini-album out of frickin' nowhere. We kinda knew he had recorded something before enlistment, but nothing had been said about it. Then BAM... mini.

Jaejoong released his full album just a few days ago, which we were expecting. Another lovely rock album, more diverse than WWW, but less heavy.



My favorite track is Run Away, largely because it's just so different for him. Really ethereal. And so much English! Unusual.

Junsu Dracula'd the hell out of Dracula for the 2nd run. Ripping his throat apart in the process, like ya do.



He'll have a small Japanese tour in the Spring. I'm guessing he'll enlist sometime in the Summer.

---

I'm hungry.
Peace.

Winter Meditations

Winter Meditations (formerly Winter Zen)

It poured rain at times over the last couple days. Come at me, El Niño!
Above: Refreshed the doodle I did in February '14. Now available for purchase.
Working on so many things that I've just gotten to completion... took a bit of a break to make a metric fuckton of Ikea furniture for the family office/room. And to watch how my hand does.
I procrastinated too long on the Project for Awesome Art Perks. Did a ton of long-term preparation since last year, but was in such a psychological funk this year that I couldn't find the motivation until really late. Got it done though. I'll cover that in the next post. Anyway, got a couple swollen spots on my fingers, but only slight, and I've wrapped/taped them so diligently from the start that I think I've prevented a full-blown episode. Woo! Means I'll be able to keep working on things.

Once the furniture situation is handled I'll focus on end-of-the-year Kpop stuff. The annual re-coding Kpoppy.com, this time with the new Bootstrap, finalizing my 2015 Best Of playlist, and getting started on a History of Kpop piece I've had in my head for a while... aiming to finish it sometime next year.
Also a couple of commissions to crank out before the New Year. Fun stuff. 

---

Arsenal was having a nice start to the season. Mesut has been on fire. Broke a record for assists in consecutive games. And a few goals to boot. Really rough November for the team though. Got hit with the curse of injuries again. Almost the entire starting 11 with knocks. Mes is the last man standing. Lol. *Knocks wood*
Been a weird season. Leicester kicking ass and Chelsea in an epic downward spiral of failure, both quite delightful to witness.



Jae and Chun serving well in the military. I'm more comfortable with all that now. Junsu released a mini-album (awesome), just finished a tour with it (awesomer), will feature at the upcoming Epik High concert (even awesomer), will have 3 days of his Musical/Ballad concert to end the year (awesomest), then will have a 2nd run of Dracula early next year (awesome x infinity), and probably wind down around then to start his service. We'll see. Jaejoong will have his pre-enlistment album out in February. Also the 'JYJ Bill' passed, which is attempting to make blacklistings of that nature punishable by law. Many folks celebrated that they'd be able to be on TV again. But those who are better informed know that it mainly just reiterates and confirms the current situation as illegal and corrupt, but you can't force broadcasters to have JYJ on TV. They'll just continue to make arbitrary/creative excuses that they can't get in trouble for... and the exile will remain. It's nice to have it out there though. On principle. And that it's named after them.

PSY had his first proper comeback after Gangnam Style.

Took a screencap when I first watched it. 328 views. Just checked and it's currently 25 million views. In 4 days. Ridiculous. Lmao. I prefer Napal Baji, which is just shy of 7 million currently. Been looking forward to what he might do for a long while. In the lead-up to the album he announced the collabs, one of which was Junsu. Nearly peed myself from sheer glee. Their track turned out to be my favorite on the album. It's a lovely tribute to the late Shin Hae Chul. And Junsu sings the hell out of it. His tone is great for it--both emotional and bright. It's called 'Dream'. Touching lyrics.

Mad sleepy. Off to bed.

SHE WORE! SHE WORE!

Two in a row. 12 total for The Arsenal. A new record!
Mesut was awesome! Everyone was awesome!
YA GUNNERS YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

And relief...

They did it!

They really did it!

For the last week or so, I had been having anxiety problems. More than the usual. Extremely uncomfortable. Not eating well. Panicky. Started wondering if there was something really wrong with me. But then I was also aware of the World Cup and my increasing nervous tension could possible be due to Germany's run stretching further and further.

Basically since the quarter-finals, this extra anxiety has been weighing heavier and heavier. I couldn't watch the final game against Argentina. Couldn't do it. I tried to sleep through it. Woke up around half-time, terrified. I had three dreams. The first two were of Germany losing. The last was a win. This was not comforting. Attempted to calm myself by reading for a while, glancing at the clock from time to time. Adrenaline surges rampant.

Then my brother texted me saying, "Best game winner I've ever seen".

I sprinted for the TV, shaking so hard I could barely work the remote. First thing I saw was Schurrle crying and my heart dropped through my feet. But then I saw Messi looking distraught and I knew...

GERMANY WON.

Oh my Ghandi, the relief.

And it took me a day to re-calibrate my nerves, but the recovery from that level of anxiety has been incredibly palpable. Like night and day. I wasn't even really aware how deep in I had gotten. It was bad. All I could feel was the tension and fear in my body. My heart-rate. Awkward breath. Nausea. Panic. Constantly. Everything else had faded out. So bad.

Thankfully, the relief really did come. Not that it wouldn't have come if they had lost. I just needed it to be over to be okay again. I'm just too invested in this team. It was awful to see all those guys go out in 2010, but they were so young. Then the Euros where they went down two against Italy and couldn't come back. I remember bursting into tears when Mesut scored that penalty in the dying minutes. But the result was just demoralizing.

And here we are, two years later, and those men pulled it off. The World Cup. Their fourth title.

And I'm watching the homecoming parade streaming from Germany. And it's beautiful. And I'm so fucking happy. They deserved it so much.

And I feel sooooo much better. Lmao. Dork. Getting back to normal!

Arsenal signed Alexis Sanchez. Debuchy will probably be signing as well. Rumors are still floating around that Mesut's perpetual bromancer Khedira might also be joining from Madrid, but the wages are super high, so that might not work out. At any rate, Arsenal is making some huge significant brilliant signings and the shape of the upcoming season is getting increasingly sexy. Ha! Much beautiful football to be had.

Now that I have my life back from World Cup madness. Time to get back to normal art stuff. Finishing up a few projects.

Soon!

Oh my...

7-1

...

That'll do.

Pressure...

Made this heading into the quarter-finals when there was still eight. Down to four now. The next two games are Brazil vs. Germany and Argentina vs. Netherlands. Absolutely massive. Spectacular tournament.

Heading into the previous Germany vs. France game, I thought Germany would go out. Rumor was a bunch of the players had the flu, the conditions were miserably hot, and France had much better results up until that game. But Germany scored early and dug in hard to hold onto that scoreline. Obviously, I'm rooting for Germany until the end, but Brazil are the hosts... and they've lost Silva to suspension and Neymar to a devastating injury. Wouldn't be surprising in the slightest if Brazil rallied through the adversity and came out on top. Thus far, Germany have done the bare minimum to advance. It has served them well, but they might get stuck in that gear and pay for it.

Nearly blacked out while washing dishes today. Pre-menstrual cramps hit early and hard. My uterus is a terrorist. Misery. My blood pressure increasingly seems to be on a hair-trigger. Little panics, flashbacks, or pain and all my blood goes rushing into my toes like there's a party down there. No matter how familiar I am with the sensation, it never fails to utterly incapacitate and terrify me.

I wonder if there will be a time in the future when circulatory systems can be robotically/artificially assisted...

Probably not in my lifetime, but still...

That would be rad.

A little limbo...

/r/sketchdaily submission to the Ballet theme  -  Guillem, Lopatkina, and Zakharova.

I'm both entrenched in and fascinated by in-between-ness. Alleyways betwixt buildings. Stuck in ruts. Spinning wheels. Transitions. Limbo. Liaison. Breezeways and corridors. Bridges and tunnels. Unable to move forward while trying to not look back. Waiting.

Waiting for a couple of currently de-swelling fingers so I can get back to drawing projects and I'm thinking about the major news of the week. Malaysia Airliner MH370. Now, most likely the fate of this plane and those on-board is already determined, we're just not informed yet. But all I can think of when I see some new report or counter-report is the families and friends of those passengers.

It's awful enough to experience the common tragedies of car accidents or heart attacks. Lives lost quickly. And you grieve. You'll think of plans to make with that person and remember with a violent shock that they are gone and suddenly you're crumbling and swaying like gravity is pulling you in all the wrong ways. But the days pass and the waves crash a little less hard. You finished that chapter and you must read on.

Unless you're caught in the footnote on that page and you find that the rest of the book has been torn from the binding and lost. And you realize it must have torn off in your friend's bag, which is at their house, or with them at school, or maybe it's actually in your room somewhere. You can't be sure. And you don't know if there are twenty chapters to go or twenty pages or if you've already read the end and only the back cover is missing. But surely there must be more?

I keep thinking about how their families must be caught in the deepest and most sickening part of grief. Where there are too many questions and variables and maybe you can still see your loved one again... or not? Or maybe yes? Or no? And I can't imagine waking to that everyday or attempting to sleep or functioning... at all. If hell were a real place I think it would be that. Being endlessly caught in an unsettled place with no possible closure.

I've felt like I was there for much of my life, but it's mostly a passive and gentle thing. Not even a molecule of what they're going through. And dammit I hope it's solved soon.

Then there's Ukraine and Venezuela, Turkey and even Australia now. Transitions and unsolved issues of their own.

"MOM! CAN I KEEP HIM!"

And on the much less serious side, Mesut's first season with Arsenal. Had an absolutely brilliant game against Everton. Then screwed up his hamstring in the opening minutes against Bayern and continued to play on it gingerly for the rest of the first half. D'awww. Poor kid. Out for a few weeks with the press ripping him to pieces. Just like Madrid. Lol. At least there were really ridiculously adorable pictures from Everton to hold us fans over. XD

Giroud is quite a character. If only he could finish as competently as he cuddles. Lol. I'm an asshole.

Arsenal have wildly exceeded my expectations. Freaking everyone but the center-backs is injured now. How the hell are they still near the top of the table?!??!!! Incredible. I know the long-time fans are super depressed and angry, but geez, I'm all pleased as punch and shit. So that's fun. Good chance of the FA Cup and placing decently for the league. No shame in that! Also really happy to see Real Madrid doing well. Seems like Ancelotti kind of swung back towards using a lot of the older team rather than the newbies. And DiMaria has managed to do well waaay out of his position. Fine job! I hope they win the league. Too bad Sami hasn't been able to play after his ACL. I still want him to get a trophy! And Benz, too!

And the little nephew is getting his first teeth in. That's a fun transition. Ha!
I better stop typing or my fingers will actually fall off my hand.

Maybe movie stuff next time?
Out.

At a blistering pace...

U-Verse installed.
HD Youtube videos now take like 3 seconds to load.
Watched Arsenal vs. Everton this morning on the new HD channel.
G.L.O.R.I.O.U.S.

I'm shitting bricks here.
Oh, and Mesut scored again, though Arsenal drew. Everton is very strong right now.
Two goals in two games. Whew! Get it, MÖ!

Eventually, I'll be up on Society6, but I've heard better things about Fine Art America for quality. Giving them a try while I'm green to the Print On Demand kind of shops. Learning the ropes.
First two prints I've put up are the old Calla Lilies print I did in silkscreening and the piece I've been working on for the last month. I'mma try these links they provide...

Asparagoose!

Pretty jazzed with how he turned out. Had a nice test-print done at Costco last week and it looks so goooood! Joy! Still figuring out the pricing over there. You set your own markup and there's kind of a learning curve. I set everything pretty low compared to the general averages on the site, but I might lower some of the smaller size prints. We'll see. Exciting regardless
I'd like to make the asparagoose a part of a series. I just have to think of more mash-ups. Lol.
He makes me giggle.

KPOPPY 2.0 is almost complete. A couple more graphics and updates.

Junsu is singing with Lyn on a forthcoming track. DREAM COLLABO FOR THE WIN!
I love Lyn and I love her love for Junsu. Haha. She's adorable.

We've had freezing temperatures and rain here for the last few days. I'm fretting about the birds. :\

And good lord... my nephew is THE cutest. MOST cutest. Starting to make lots of noise and trills. He's like a blackhole of cute... gravitating all things to him to gaze in awe... at the cute.

>.<

Productivity...

I hit a proper art phase. That hasn't happened in... well, at least two years probably. Strong ideas for pieces popping in all sparkly and fully-formed. Some new. Some updates of older inklings. It's a bit torturous since I'm seemingly always going to be babying my fingers, but I've been drawing more and more and they still hold up with only the lightest swelling and sensitivity, so I'm ramping things up.

Steadily dumping these Mesut-y sketches onto my Tumblr after every game (or two). Saturday's game against Crystal Palace still needs to go up, but I have a feeling he won't be playing until next Saturday. All of the starters should be taking a much-needed break for the mid-week Cup game. Frankly, it has been quite the ride. I had no great expectations of success at Arsenal, but these boys have been Top of the League since Mes joined and maintaining their momentum despite injuries/exhaustion. I feel spoiled. The Norwich game alone was the stuff of fairy tales. Meanwhile, Real Madrid is struggling. Ancelotti's 'system' is not clicking. Makes me wish Khedira and Benzema would bail and join Arsenal in January.

Bring on the compilations, Gooners! (Nice song, btw)

Got to meet my 3-month old #1 favorite nephew. Just so happens that he is the cutest baby I've ever seen. Seriously. I'm not much of a baby fan, whether family or not, but sweet tapdancing Odin... the little tyke is so cute it makes you squirm and squee involuntarily.

Anyway, back to art and productivity. If I can get a few pieces finished I might do the typical print-shop thing. Like Society6 or something. Perhaps by the end of the year. Not long off, but I have some stuff well in-progress. Still too timid to actually paint with actual paint. Too much going well right now to risk the use of my hand. So, just digital. Then I'd like to refurbish Kpoppy for it's first birthday. I've already coded all the structure for that. Just need to update a bunch of content. Aaaaand, what else? Oh gosh, I might try to do NaNoWriMo this year. Likely setting myself up for total failure there. Hahaha. Especially with all the art stuff. But there's this story my brain is fixated on that I want to just get down. I'm a shit writer, but I want to challenge myself to go for it. Typing extensively can irritate my fingers though, so I'll stop if anything threatens.

Still playing with those paisleys...

Off to bed!

Gone to the Gooners...

"In WTF news... Real Madrid bought Gareth Bale. Not sure if I want. The midfield is already cramped. Could be great, but if our bug-eyed, crinkly-eared hero doesn't get the minutes he deserves, we're gonna have a problem."

During Bale's presentation at the Bernebau, Madristas were chanting, begging for Perez to not sell Özil. For more than a day, rumors flew that Arsenal had made a record-breaking bid for Mesut.

A problem... we have.

30 minutes to the end of the transfer window...

dear fans of real madrid,

thank you very much for three wonderful years with all of you. my time at real madrid was unique and special for me. sometimes things develop differently, than i would have expected them to a few days ago.
although I’m leaving real madrid I wish you and the team the very best for the future.

now I’m looking forward to my new club: THE GUNNERS!

And there you have it. One of the best players in the world, arguably the best central attacking midfielder in the world, one of the most beloved players by Madridistas and all football fans alike, happy, committed, and living his dream to play for Real Madrid and train with Zidane...

Forced out.

Forced out, because Perez wanted Bale as his shiny new toy and Ancelotti had to reform the midfield around that. Mesut's position disappeared. They forced him out.

Heartbreaking.

Luckily, Mesut is away from the chaos in Spain, training with the German National Team for a WCQ on Friday. And likely got the critical information he needed from his teammates Podolski and Mertesacker that he would be loved and trusted at Arsenal. Mesut hoped to retire in Madrid, but seeing how quickly they were ready to dispense with him, he probably decided he would prefer to go where he would be welcomed with open arms and confidence. What a shitty position to be in though. Geez.

All I can hope is that he'll be energized by the transition rather than deflated.
He didn't deserve that treatment. Hopefully he'll be able to rise above and do well with his new team.

Arsenal. The Gunners.
Apparently the saying goes, "Once a gooner, always a gooner."
We shall see.

27

The backyard is blooming.

Kind of a Fibonacci birthday this year. 5-8-13. At least under the day-month-year model.
27 years old. Going on 7.

A football morning.
Real Madrid vs. Malaga. An exciting game, which ended 6-2 in our favor. All eight goals came from different players. Rather unusual. One of the six was Özil's.

A break sent him sprinting down the pitch. He didn't have much help, so Mesut dodged and danced his way to this lovely right-footed shot. He also nutmeg-ed a linesman from behind when he was setting up a corner. CHEEEEEEEEKY. I'm still giggling about it. Sadly, he got clipped awkwardly by a Malaga player late in the game. His ankle did something funny and he went down, stayed down, and looked like he was in a lot of pain. Tried to stand on it, nopenopenope, and sat right back down. Got stretchered off. ;;___;;
He has such a supple, delicate quality to his football, and is so contact-shy, that he's barely ever been injured. It's very disconcerting. Not to mention the Copa del Rey final on the 17th... the only chance for RM to show that this season wasn't an absolute failure. Yeesh.
MESSSUUUUUUT!
ANIMO MESUT!!!!!

Asa Butterfield was sweet/hilarious in a reddit AMA this morning. He's playing Ender in the very very very very very long awaited film adaptation of my favorite book ever (for sentimental reasons). I've followed the happening, not happening, happening, not happening progress of this movie for what feels like half my life. Lol. While Orson Scott Card has gone completely hyper Mormon crazy, I still love these books dearly.

The trailer was released yesterday.



The blockbuster-ification was inevitable and expected. Whoever made the trailer either never read the book or is teasing on purpose to confuse us. Wouldn't be the first time a trailer gave the impression of a very different movie. That being said, it's... better than I thought it would be. It won't be true to the books, but that never bothers me about adaptations. I like the look of it though. I like Asa as Ender. All the shiny lens-flares make it look like a kid's version of the newer Star Trek, which is funny to me.

The Ender's Game in my head is far darker and grittier, but I have no objection to this crystalline bright look. It still trips me out that a lot of the technology Card put into the novels in the 80s, which was fantasy at the time, is part of our daily lives now. The computer 'desks'. The digital palm-reading locks. THE INTERNET. Haha. It makes sense that they had to up the ante on the tech for the movie. Much of what was very futuristic then, is very normal now.

I want funny Dink. I want intense Petra. I want the Giant's Drink.
I require Bean.

If that happens, I'll be cool with the result, no matter how much of a departure it is.

Until then...

The Enemy's Gate is Down.

Irksome winds...

The wind picked up in the last hour. It's that hot, stuffy, claustrophobic kind of wind. Wind is one of those things that I'm obnoxiously sensitive to. It's akin to that damn scratchy tag in your shirt that feels like it's stabbing you every two seconds. Except it's all over my skin and constant. Wind gives me a headache, makes me itchy everywhere, and makes my eyes and nose hurt, even if I'm not outside. Something about the atmosphere changes. Barometric pressure something-or-other. It makes me feel crazy. I want to peel all my skin off. Rip my hair out. Beat my head against a wall. Like... crazy crazy.

Wind like this makes it impossible to sleep and that makes me feel especially crazy crazy.

Illustrated a baby shower invitation for my sister-in-law. Here's a little thumbnail. Beach themed, obviously. Sandpiper and a sand dollar there. 'Twas fun. Good test for my fingers after not doing much since the new year. Taped them up thoroughly. No problems so far. Though the nails have grown out looking all warped and discolored from the last time they blew up. Lovely.

Oh yeah, Champions League... *cough*

...

Ahem, speaking of irksome. -_______-

Things were going splendidly in Madrid there for a while. Mesut even got a couple of braces in their last few games. Then the first leg against Dortmund happened. Mourinho made kind of an odd starting 11 choice and we lost spectacularly 4-1. Ouch. Barcelona lost 4-0 to Bayern, too. Bigger ouch.

2nd leg was this morning. A 3-0 was the required scoreline to advance to the finals. The game was 0-0 for freaking ever. In the last 20 minutes or so, Real scored. Mesut assisted. Then scored again.

We had the momentum. We were one goal short of the finals.
Of course, Dortmund was smart and time-wasted, fouled, had a player stretchered off with an injury, fouled, time-wasted some more, aaaaaaaaaand...

That was it. Real Madrid won 2-0, but lost on aggregate. *sigh* La Decima?
Not this year.  
waaaaaahagainwaaaaahhhhh.

WE WERE RIIIIIGHT THERRRRRRRRE.

Really bummed for Iker and Sergio and the rest of the dedicated Club players.
Distraught for Mesut.
But... my teams, in order:
1. German National Team
2. Real Madrid
3. Borussia Dortmund
4. Bayern Munich

I love me some Germans. Barca's 2nd leg is tomorrow. If Bayern can crush them further, the Germans will have pwned the Champions League. This would please me greatly. If it can't be Mesut and Sami, at least it can be a bunch of their teammates.

I just keep thinking of the power of the German team for the World Cup next year and my mood improves significantly. They. Are. Beasts.

Go away wind!
You aren't wanted here!

Assortment of Finals...

KPOPPY:
Finally, posted the link to the kpop subreddit, which was my intention since early on in the process of making the site a 'thing'. Got a tremendous response, so I'm encouraged to keep it updated and keep working on the code. Added a whole 'More...' section to the Music page that took forever, but I'm happy with.
It's nice to have an ongoing thing to work on. Although, I'm frying my retinas from staring at code all the time.
@_@

FANGIRLING:
A fan streamed VIDEO from the second two nights of JYJ at Tokyo Dome. That was rather wonderful. The concert was seriously impressive... on a global scale, not just a Jpop/Kpop scale. Apparently, Junsu is the one that suggested Jaejoong sing 'Glamorous Sky', which is a song I've loved for ages--written by Hyde and performed by Nana Mikashima. And supposedly Hyde was in the audience for the finale show. Wild. As someone who got to Kpop THROUGH Jrock... that's a mind-eff. Jae did a lovely job. Really a spectacular show.

FOOTBALL:
Real Madrid had a brilliant first half of their second leg against Galatasaray and then went to sleep for the second half. Gala scored 3 goals rather rapidly. I started getting Germany-Sweden flashbacks. In the end, their excellent performance during the first leg 3-0, kept them afloat with Gala winning 3-2 in the second. Oh, and between those games they played Levante. 5-1. Mesut scored two goals in the space of like 5 minutes. That was cute. He almost looked apologetic when it happened.

More importantly, the results are in...

Well said, Mes. Well said.

Champion's League semi-finalists: Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund, Barcelona, and Real Madrid.
RM have already played Barca so many times this season... hopefully they'll draw someone else. No idea what will happen though. Bayern is incredibly strong. Dortmund is young and creative. They could surprise everyone. Barca is methodical and patient. Real is totally unpredictable this season. Sheer genius one minute. Absolute crap the next. But they want La Decima and they want it bad! Certainly, they'll be exciting games. whatever the draw is!

EDIT:
3:40am Friday. The UCL draw just finished. Happens to be the most favorable draw for Real.
1st leg...
Bayern (home) vs. Barca
Dortmund (home) vs. RM

2nd leg at home for us. Woo! And still... if tragedy strikes and we lose--I love Dortmund, so it's a guarantee that one of my favorite teams will be in the final. ^^

Diminishing distance...

The Red Ocean returns to the Dome in full force!

I should be sleeping.
Juventus v. Bayern and Barca v. PSG in the morning. Big UCL matches.
Really want to see Zlatan and Messi going head-to-head.  
BUT...
Instead I'm listening to a live audio stream straight from the Tokyo Dome.
JYJ have returned after 4 years of hell to play a series of sold-out shows.
It's Day 1 and a very dedicated Chinese fan is streaming it.
I love technology. It makes the World so small.
I also love Japanese fans for being so reverently quiet during performances and dialogue bits.
Jaejoong just riled up a gender war. Called out the fanboys to yell. Then the ladies. Hilarity.

The feelz though... the feeeeeeelz. It's an event of special magnificence.
I started crying as soon as the feed started. Eep.


Ahem.
Real Madrid's CL match against Galatasaray on Wednesday.
That'll be... fun? Terrifying? I'll hope for fun and leave it at that.


Oh geez~~
They're singing Fallen Leaves now.
Seriously real-time feelz.
Save me, Kleenex!

I'm going to wetly hiccough myself to bed... after the encore. ^^

JYJ 愛してるよ！！！

Exploding skulls...

You think you're managing some stability and then it disintegrates into fumes again.

I never really had headaches before the zoloft horror-show. The only time was when traveling long distances in the car. I'd get a dull ache that could last a couple days. Those silly travel sickness wristbands that seem like a snake oil thing actually worked for me. No headache at all. Otherwise, not a headache kind of person. Certainly nothing in migraine territory.

I've had about five ocular migraines since that awful freaking day/month on zoloft, the most recent of which was on Monday morning. The scintillation seemed to pop in from nowhere, quickly grew huge and dazzling, and dissipated quicker than the others. Twenty minutes later, the pain hit. There was a jackhammer boring its way out of my my left brow and forehead for upwards of seven hours. A couple hours in I curled up in my bed, fighting nausea with my whole being. Lost that battle. Emptied my stomach multiple times, which for an emetophobe is worst-case scenario. Shaking like a dog shitting razorblades. Writhed and dug deeper into my bed, trying to block out all light, and just... keep... breathing.

Finally managed an hour or two of sleep late that night. Woke exhausted. Head sore. Ate a little. Had a long talk with the folks about the fresh levels of despair. If the Universe was a sentient thing, with vengeful qualities, the last handful of years would be payback for all my complacency. Never did anything risky or reckless or rebellious. Never got into trouble. Kept my grief and depression to myself as a personal challenge. I took the gentle course as often as possible avoiding inherent danger and adventure. I feel like the Universe is reprimanding me for being a wuss. And I'm falling apart.

It's possible that the migraines will be a thing now. It's not uncommon, especially among young women. I just feel like I have no tools to deal with it. I don't have the energy to face surprise skull-explosions along with all the rest. One. More. Thing.

I'm tired.

---------------------------------------------------------
Slept a ton Monday night and woke to watch the big game against Manchester United. I was craving quiet, warm, and soft all day. So I stayed in bed and found a stream on my computer. Kept the sound off. Just watched.

Interesting game. The first half was pretty uneventful. Poor Sese got an own goal, which should have never happened because ManU's play was offside to begin with. The second half got REALLY interesting. Nani got a red card for high-cleating Arbeloa in the ribcage. Ow. ManU went down a man. Modric came on, found space in the middle of nowhere, and HAMMERED it into the net. I'm so happy for him! It hasn't been an easy transition into Madrid, but what a moment to make up for it! Only a few minutes later...

A lovely team goal. Modders passes forward to Pipita. Mesut's sweet little backheel return to Pipita who knocks it across the goal... to be tapped in by Crispy. Real Madrid won 2-1. Phew! I feel bad for ManU about the red card (even though I think it was deserved). The momentum changed a lot after that.

Real Madrid's last four games: ManU 1-1, Barcelona 1-3, Barcelona 1-2, ManU 1-2.

Brutal. Take a freakin' vacation guys!

After the game, I slept through most of the day. Just felt worn down to nothing. Better now, but dreading what is to come in the future. Blah.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

JYJ are playing Tokyo Dome. Having won all their lawsuits they're able to sign with a new label in Japan. I think they're trying to keep it quiet until the concerts. Many are hoping for Pony Canyon. Either way, going back to Tokyo Dome is a huge deal. Some fun pictures and videos have come out on Naver. This one could not be cuter, funnier, or more bittersweet...

Gotta love that oldschool YooSu throwback.  

Will there ever be a day when all five perform Hug again?

Makes you wonder.

The Little Mermaid

SWEET FANCY MOSES! The Little Mermaid is up on PBS's site! HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!?!??!!!!

So... like... if you wanna have your mind blown by the San Francisco Ballet. If you want to watch something haunting and beautiful and heartwrenching. If you have a few hours to kill...

WATCH THIS BRILLIANCE!

Yuan Yuan Tan is crazy strong and crazy exquisite. I've seen her perform in SF so many times and she's always immense, but this piece is made for her and she's simply ridiculous in it. We're not talking Disney, of course. It's Hans Christian Andersen.
It's dark. Daaaaaaaark. And stunning.

Watch The Little Mermaid from San Francisco Ballet on PBS. See more from Great Performances.

Oh yeah, Real Madrid stomped Barcelona 3-1. Nearly finished with a clean sheet. How 'bout them apples! Mesut danced his way to a corner and delivered yet another beautiful header for the baby giraffe, Varane. Hell of a start for a 19 year-old defender. As far as I know, he has scored 3 goals for RM and all three were headers off of passes/corners from Mesut. This season is proving quite exciting despite chronic troubles. Copa del Rey finals in the bag and the 2nd leg against ManU for the Champions League next Tuesday. Hala Madrid!

MU vs RM

Manchester United vs. Real Madrid

11:45am PST

HALA MADRID!!!

EDIT: 1-1 What a game! 2-2 for Dortmund/Shakhtar, too! Second leg games are going to be intense.

Turkish Delight...

His recent games have brought out the obnoxious fangirl in me.

gifspam of doom after the cut...

A series of wins...

Same ol' same.
Working on a painting of a hen for my mom's kitchen and building a K-pop website for the giggles. For now, more distractions of the positive kind. Video fun, too!

Politics are so frustrating, but at least there can be relief this time around. Obama won. Thank Odin! Romney inspired enough fear in me to vote Barack instead of my true choices... Jill Stein or Gary Johnson. As a Californian, I should vote my conscience. The Democratic party is a guarantee. But still, Mittens scared the hell out of me. Hopefully, Obama will be encouraged to take more risks in his last term and push for what he really wants. And Congress... well, that's a clustercuss. Meh.

Ronaldo botched a free kick earlier in the Borussia game. In the dying minutes, Real was down 2-1. Crispy let Mesut take a kick and he saved the day with this pretty little curl.

I shrieked and jumped for joy. DAT LEFT FOOT! M1Ö ♥ 

My favorite person singer in the world was awarded with something that neither he or any of his fans thought was possible. The popularity award is a guarantee, because it's a public vote and he's won it three years in a row. But this... this was an incredible surprise and honor...

Best Actor for his role as Death in Elisabeth. Wow. A former boyband idol winning Best Actor. Definitely a first. And he rarely gets emotional in public unless he's singing, but there's no way he'd hold it in for this. Yeesh. You can hear the girls sobbing in the audience in fancams. Lol. I sobbed, too, I admit it. Dude has been been shat on and betrayed by his own industry for the last three years. That after more than 9 years of dedicated hard work under a slave-like contract. Musicals were something he tried on a whim to challenge himself. Three musicals later... this happens. ALL THE FEELS!

Speaking of slave-like contracts. Within the same week of Junsu's win, the KFTC came out with new standards for entertainers. Companies have to make financial records available, pay artists within 45 days, provide records online, and can't whore out their idols to shows without paying them... to name a few. Pretty basic stuff, but a huge step forward and success for JYJ



This is validation that the sacrifice of their careers was not in vain. They made the corruption public knowledge, stood up for what was right, persevered despite being blacklisted by the industry, and three years later, the gears of change are in motion. And Junsu won Best Actor.......... definitely still flipping out about that.
I still wonder if the pink hair was a dare--having played Death. Lulz.

It's raining. ^^
We didn't have the heat on for the first few days of freezing nights. Had to jog around the house for warmth. XD
A bit toastier now.

Mmmm. Toast sounds good.
I'm tempted to post about Hiddles soon. *snort* We'll see.