And relief...

They did it!

They really did it!

For the last week or so, I had been having anxiety problems. More than the usual. Extremely uncomfortable. Not eating well. Panicky. Started wondering if there was something really wrong with me. But then I was also aware of the World Cup and my increasing nervous tension could possible be due to Germany's run stretching further and further.

Basically since the quarter-finals, this extra anxiety has been weighing heavier and heavier. I couldn't watch the final game against Argentina. Couldn't do it. I tried to sleep through it. Woke up around half-time, terrified. I had three dreams. The first two were of Germany losing. The last was a win. This was not comforting. Attempted to calm myself by reading for a while, glancing at the clock from time to time. Adrenaline surges rampant.

Then my brother texted me saying, "Best game winner I've ever seen".

I sprinted for the TV, shaking so hard I could barely work the remote. First thing I saw was Schurrle crying and my heart dropped through my feet. But then I saw Messi looking distraught and I knew...

GERMANY WON.

Oh my Ghandi, the relief.

And it took me a day to re-calibrate my nerves, but the recovery from that level of anxiety has been incredibly palpable. Like night and day. I wasn't even really aware how deep in I had gotten. It was bad. All I could feel was the tension and fear in my body. My heart-rate. Awkward breath. Nausea. Panic. Constantly. Everything else had faded out. So bad.

Thankfully, the relief really did come. Not that it wouldn't have come if they had lost. I just needed it to be over to be okay again. I'm just too invested in this team. It was awful to see all those guys go out in 2010, but they were so young. Then the Euros where they went down two against Italy and couldn't come back. I remember bursting into tears when Mesut scored that penalty in the dying minutes. But the result was just demoralizing.

And here we are, two years later, and those men pulled it off. The World Cup. Their fourth title.

And I'm watching the homecoming parade streaming from Germany. And it's beautiful. And I'm so fucking happy. They deserved it so much.

And I feel sooooo much better. Lmao. Dork. Getting back to normal!

Arsenal signed Alexis Sanchez. Debuchy will probably be signing as well. Rumors are still floating around that Mesut's perpetual bromancer Khedira might also be joining from Madrid, but the wages are super high, so that might not work out. At any rate, Arsenal is making some huge significant brilliant signings and the shape of the upcoming season is getting increasingly sexy. Ha! Much beautiful football to be had.

Now that I have my life back from World Cup madness. Time to get back to normal art stuff. Finishing up a few projects.

Soon!

Oh my...

7-1

...

That'll do.

Pressure...

Made this heading into the quarter-finals when there was still eight. Down to four now. The next two games are Brazil vs. Germany and Argentina vs. Netherlands. Absolutely massive. Spectacular tournament.

Heading into the previous Germany vs. France game, I thought Germany would go out. Rumor was a bunch of the players had the flu, the conditions were miserably hot, and France had much better results up until that game. But Germany scored early and dug in hard to hold onto that scoreline. Obviously, I'm rooting for Germany until the end, but Brazil are the hosts... and they've lost Silva to suspension and Neymar to a devastating injury. Wouldn't be surprising in the slightest if Brazil rallied through the adversity and came out on top. Thus far, Germany have done the bare minimum to advance. It has served them well, but they might get stuck in that gear and pay for it.

Nearly blacked out while washing dishes today. Pre-menstrual cramps hit early and hard. My uterus is a terrorist. Misery. My blood pressure increasingly seems to be on a hair-trigger. Little panics, flashbacks, or pain and all my blood goes rushing into my toes like there's a party down there. No matter how familiar I am with the sensation, it never fails to utterly incapacitate and terrify me.

I wonder if there will be a time in the future when circulatory systems can be robotically/artificially assisted...

Probably not in my lifetime, but still...

That would be rad.