An ugly month...

Backyard geraniums from May.

I wanted to start with flowers.

Something pretty to look at while I write.

Christina Grimmie was shot dead by some lunatic after her concert on June 10th. In front of her brother. I didn't follow her closely, but I follow and participate in a wide range of Youtube channels/communities. And I felt ill.

Two days later Pulse happened. 49 people killed and many wounded while having a great time at a gay club in Orlando. During Pride month. And that made me flee from news because I was trying to avoid a panic attack. But caught enough of a news blurb about the horror of first responders coming on the scene to the eerie sound of the victims cell phones ringing together as their loved ones desperately tried to find out if they were okay.
And that triggered some bad panics, which meant the typical of little eating, no sleeping, black hole of pain in the chest for days.

In the midst of this JYJ's Yoochun was accused of sexually assaulting a woman.
Shock and dismay.
Then another accuser and another and another and another and...
We're at 5 or 6 now, spanning over the last couple years. Looks like a pattern.  TRIGGER WARNING. They all worked at adult entertainment bars, he lured them into a bathroom 'so they could talk', locked the door, and assaulted/raped them, except for one (the 5th) who came forward with the same story, but that she fought back so hard he let her go eventually. /TW

The news reporting on this case has been totally ridiculous and irresponsible mind you. Lots of misinformation and conflicting reports. The investigation is ongoing. Suffice it to say here that I think he won't be charged with anything, but I side with the victims.

Already ailing from the Orlando panic attacks, this properly drained the life out of me.

Then Anton Yelchin was killed by his own car in a terrible freak accident. He is/was my favorite part of the new Star Trek reboots. Like I would literally tune in if the first movie was airing on TV just for his parts then watch something else. By all indications was an extremely talented young actor with huge potential and adored by everyone he worked with. Seemed like a real genuine fellow.

Then the significant terror attacks that made news here. Turkey, Afghanistan, Bangladesh... all the escalation during Ramadan and Eid.

And Brexit.

And nutcase Trump.

And Clinton being exonerated despite so much shit and apparently Chelsea Manning recently attempted suicide.

Then Alton Sterling and Philando Castile in rapid succession...

And I barely want to look at the fire fight, sniper fire, fucking whatever is happening in Dallas after the protests right now. 5 officers killed.

...

None of these things are equivalent, of course. Each their own kind of horror and nightmare.
I kept wanting to write something, but felt I needed to wait for my own health until there was some kind of reprieve... which never came.

Purely selfish grief. I'm in no line of fire or blast radius or losing family members or getting assaulted. But I feel a little bit like I did after 9/11. Numb and anxious trying to keep it together with that footage on TV in class all day every day during the week. I remember taking a shower that next weekend and just falling apart. Exhausted tears.

Feel like that right now. Just a little bit. Smaller scale. A similar kind of emotional exhaustion.

Life is so good, generally speaking. The world is on average a much kinder, freer, less-violent, and less painful place to be alive in right now. And my mostly gentle privileged tiny slice of that is vastly better than it is for many.

I suppose it's just the hyper-connectedness of information, which amplifies feelings of helplessness and frustration when there's so little I could possibly do.

Probably stupidly shallow, but Iceland's performance at the Euros was this itty bitty ball of joy through all this. Thanks, Iceland.


Inhale. Exhale.
I'll have to face a very different kind of JYJ music at some point here.
There's just this sickening limbo of not knowing wtf is going on.
Jaejoong has the advantage of military isolation. Junsu is in the middle of his concert tour and very clearly determined to give 1000% to audiences that don't want to dwell on the horror of his bandmate's alleged behavior.
But there's this fear that if Yoochun is completely let off that they'll still promote with him.
They shouldn't. Cut ties. Protect themselves if they have nothing like this to hide.
But what an awful position to put them in. After everything they've been through.
After all the fans did to support them.

Enough on that.

Enough.

Too many things...

Football

Özil was on an insane roll during the first half of the season. Assist-machine is an understatement. Around the holidays I thought of doing this Norman Rockwell mash-up with the Gunners. His PR people started a little contest for memes/comics/sketches related to his assist record, so I figured I participate with the idea. Not concerned with the contest really, I just think it's cool of him/his people to do fun things like that.

Kicked it out rather rapidly to preserve my fingers, so it looks sloppy as all get-out to me. Lol.

Been a wild season. Leiscester is still top. Arsenal just beat them in a massive game over the weekend... with a goal assisted by Mesut to Welbeck in literally the last minute of the game.

Near pissed myself.

Politics

I've always participated in terms of researching and voting, but also felt it's all pretty bullshit-y and helpless. For the first time in my life I get to vote for someone I sincerely want to be the president. Not a lesser of evils or whatever. My ideals have alignment with an actual candidate... remarkable!

Bernie, of course.

Bernie Bernie Bernie.

There was a time when I 'supported' Hillary, because it seemed likely she would run in the future and she would have aligned a lot closer than anyone else I had seen. And even now, if it got to be her as the nominee, I would feel relatively comfortable in voting for her.

Then she started campaigning in earnest. And against Bernie. And it all turned to shit.

At this point it feels like a betrayal. With the absolute clusterfuck happening on the Republican side there was this extraordinary golden opportunity for the Democrats to show a positive, intelligent, and united front. They started out that way... a bit. But then instead of steadily and logically expressing the differences between the Dems and their reasons for their platforms, Hillary made an about-face. She started eating her own. Attacked the other guys by straw-manning and misrepresenting their positions on the major issues and disparaging them.

Especially now that it's just her and Bernie, she does this constantly, which is especially ridiculous because Bernie's record is rock solid. And when Bernie accurately refers to her inconsistent record she gets hyper-defensive, calling it an attack, sexism, harassment, and "artful smear".

WTF.

And the polls show I'm not the only one WTF-ing. It's clear that the group of people voting for her are people unfamiliar with her record, leaning on name recognition and assuming everything she says is true.

She's overwhelmingly distrusted by young people. I'm convinced it's because young people are using the internet, researching her record, seeing videos like this one where we hear her own words out of her own mouth... and her claims of consistency become instantly hollow and dishonest.

And a longer one.

I agree with Bernie here. It's not exactly a problem that she has changed her mind on things, but it's the way she now claims consistency during debates. She knows her constituency won't check what she says. So she just states that she has always had the position she currently has even though that's bullshit.

I'm so angry about this I don't want to vote for her at all. Even if she's the nominee over Bernie.

I'd rather vote for Jill Stein or write in Bernie. It's just so fucking aggravating that she had the opportunity to be honest, forthright, and strong... she would have been an easy shoo-in. But she or her people thought it would make her look stronger to bullshit and attack the other Democrats.

Utter fuck-up as I see it.

At any rate, BERNIE SANDERS FOR PRESIDENT.

Scalia died over the weekend. Holy shit. The Republicans are crapping their pants and warning Obama against replacing him during an election year. That he shouldn't even bother and let the 'American people' choose based on who becomes the President. Lunatics. We voted for Obama twice. He's got a year left. That's his responsibility and we gave it to him.

I sincerely think the Republicans have lost their damn minds. I've watched every debate on both sides. It's a fucking circus over there. I'd be horrified if I was a Republican to see that total shit-show. It's a farce.

Also been watching the Flint crisis, which is heinous beyond words.

Thinking often of MLK's Three Evils of Society. Greed. Racism. War.

Thinking often of Chaplin's Great Dictator.

I was raised on Star Trek. Measure of a Man. The Drumhead. Who Watches the Watchers.

I can't help but crave utopian ideals. How can there ever be change if we are constantly leaning backwards into stagnation and the status quo?

JYJ

The variety show hilarity they recorded right before Jaejoong enlisted will be coming out soon. Really takes me back to the old days seeing the clips/highlights. Laughter and tears all the way through.

Yoochun released a mini-album out of frickin' nowhere. We kinda knew he had recorded something before enlistment, but nothing had been said about it. Then BAM... mini.

Jaejoong released his full album just a few days ago, which we were expecting. Another lovely rock album, more diverse than WWW, but less heavy.



My favorite track is Run Away, largely because it's just so different for him. Really ethereal. And so much English! Unusual.

Junsu Dracula'd the hell out of Dracula for the 2nd run. Ripping his throat apart in the process, like ya do.



He'll have a small Japanese tour in the Spring. I'm guessing he'll enlist sometime in the Summer.

---

I'm hungry.
Peace.

Pieces of Autumn...

Played around with the Paper Weavings Art Assignment. Had this stack of old origami-style paper with metallic gold on its colored side. Normal picture on the left. The weaving posted in a sunny window on the right. Neato.

More accurate representation of the shiny gold paper on the left and what the back of the weaving looks like on the right. I dunno... I think the back might be the best part. Lol.

Currently preparing some cleaned up versions of older work so they're print-ready.

Also currently on the Bernie Sanders hype train. Choo choo.

Also enjoying all the super hero/comic book shows coming back. 2nd episode of Arrow was killer. Debating whether I can handle another season of Daredevil on Netflix violence-wise. Jessica Jones as well. Super Girl looks like it could be awesome or terrible.

Also JUNSU TEASER!

APOCALYPTIC AF!

Looks like the imagery is inspired from Revelation 9.

I'm down! So excited.

Sora has this awkward tail feather that was probably supposed to molt off like normal, but has been there for almost a month. Dead grey and thrashed a bit... jutting out oddly. Doesn't seem to be messing up her flight or anything, but I'm a wee bit concerned. Shake ya tail feather, girl!

Also DBSK/JYJ fandom crapped its pants over the last couple weeks due to Jaejoong and Yunho meeting in public. Amicably. Meltdowns. Meltdowns everywhere.

Interesting development. Veerrrry interesting.

Planets and constellations...

Pluto is my desktop background for the indefinite future.
So pretty.
And there's flowing water on Mars.
So rad.
And the eclipse was really lovely. We had perfectly clear conditions to see it here. Gorgeous color.

Computer is great. Drawing and painting again is great. Multiple projects in the furnace, so I'll be stagnant on the end product for a little while still. S'all good.

But this post will mostly about constellations. One in particular.
Cassiopeia.

But that's all Kpop insanity, so it's going under a cut.
Private First Class Jaejoong jamming to Uptown Funk for the lulz.

Big ass Junsu/JYJ post...

Been in a funk for a couple months. Very unproductive.
I think it's related to couple things. One that I have about five projects in the works that have me super excited and I always struggle when that happens. It paralyzes me for some reason. The other is that I think I'm dealing with some pre-grief.

DBSK, Kpop, and JYJ have been more than a seven-year investment. In attention. In emotion. In the case of JYJ, deeply felt hurt and joy, which however vicarious have been a huge part of my life. Likely because I don't have much of one, or the one I have is very difficult to navigate right now. So the outside stuff powers a lot of my general energy.

Started feeling drained leading up to the end of March. Then Jaejoong enlisted in the military and I wasn't particularly bothered by it until some of his last media stuff came out. Him breaking down at the end of his last show, which was jarring to see from someone who is usually quite stoic. And his last public messages to Junsu and Yoochun. It's probably the boldest any of them have spoken about the lawsuit stuff, which is interesting. But it really got to me in regards to Junsu, their service overlapping and there being three years of little to no contact. These guys have been constantly, living and working together for like 14 years? 15? And now there will be this big ol' gap in there.
Yeesh. I'm having this hard of a time with Jaejoong. What am I going to do a year from now when it's Junsu....

I'll move on.
Flower.

Junsu's album is beautiful. [Listen on Youtube]
Beautiful.
It's ballad-heavy, narrative-heavy, and taps into all those nuances I love most in his weird voice.
Rating it would be impossible. I'm far too biased. I don't know how an outsider would respond to it. It might be too intimate/personal to appeal to a broader audience. I think he made it entirely to please himself and fans and give himself a setlist for tour.

After listening to it often since release my favorites are:

• Reach
• License to Love
• Love You More
• Love Breath

And those are all ballads. Then there's Flower and Musical in Life. The latter of which is both hilarious and depressing. It's about how he has lived in the bubble of celebrity for so long that he can't experience normal things like falling in love or dating or going out with friends, so he'll live onstage instead. Experience all those things through the characters he plays in musicals, because he otherwise isn't allowed. And it's jazzy and funny and he fucking tapdances to it in concert. Lol.

And the former is the epic fever-dream, which I partially captured in the drawing above.



I wasn't entirely off with the immortal storyline. It is about the passage of time, but it's more about his and JYJ's struggle against the corruption of an industry, which both built and attempted to destroy their careers. And Tablo on the track is just massively poignant and intentional. Both artists ripped apart by the media circus and anti-fans and having to rebuild themselves out of the ruins. And Tablo even showed up to perform his part at the Seoul concert, which melted my face off. Dream of dream collabs fulfilled in mind-blowing fashion.

The dance tracks, Out Of Control, X-Song, and FLP are delightful in concert.
The only song I'm somewhat 'meh' on is Hello Hello, which is a little bit too outdated for me. But I still like it.

License to Love was my initial favorite, but I find myself coming back to Love You More the most.
This was always the case with DBSK back in the day. Their tracks always sound better live, especially ballads. Junsu always sounds better live. And it's the songs that most benefit from the live-ness, which often end up being long-term favorites. I posted a fancam mega-post on Omona for Junsu's concerts (nerve-wracking first post after following Omona for forever) and the process of watching a million different fancams led me to my adoration of Love You More.

He just looks so happy and warm when he performs it.
The lyrics are about being in a relationship with someone who is struggling and going through a hard time. Feeling rather helpless and sad for them, but ensuring that you're there to comfort and hold them, to listen, to help in any way. Even if there is really nothing effective to offer...

Nevermind... love you more.

I cry lots.
Lots and lots.

Junsu got invited to perform on TV for the first time in six years. It's on an EBS show, which is like PBS in the states. That's why they have the balls to have him on. They're not beholden to the power of companies who gift or withhold their idols in a creepy kind of hostage situation. But EBS gave him 40 minutes, 7 songs, and already previewed it on a news segment where they openly talked about SM Entertainment's choke-hold on the networks. EBS HAS BALLS OF TITANIUM.

Very emotional opportunity for Junsu. A huge deal. A sad, but wonderful and huge deal.
That airs on the 30th. I'm paranoid SME will exert some hidden power before then and get it pulled.
Been burned so many times by them I can't even trust this awesomeness until it happens.

Then Junsu will be playing L in the new Korean adaptation of the musical for DeathNote, which is all kinds of intriguing. There has been a Japanese version and I think there might even be a Broadway version in the works? Incredibly odd material to adapt in musical form. But I think Junsu has the voice and physicality to figure it out. Plus Sun-ah will play Misa, so BONUS!

And then I'm trying to imagine my own goals for the next few years.
What will I invest this time and energy into when they're gone? Considering some really specific things like getting heavily into yoga practice again and learning inversions. Could I get a stable handstand within three years? Or to work on my flat feet. They cause me no pain, but maybe now is better than later (or never) for strengthening muscles I don't use properly.

Also /r/thebutton is such a fucking fascinating development...
Finally just got down to 25s tonight. It's always the best times while my fellow Americans are sleeping. I'm a Grey Non-Presser and have no alts. It's likely I'll be sticking with the Greys, but if the Red Guard should require me in the end, I may take up the call.

Peace.

Maybe immortal?

Surprise surprise, a Junsu post.

Two teasers in the last few days.
The first:



The second:



So aside from the general screaming and utter delight... I'm making some guesses as to what the concept is. Of course, it could just be purely aesthetic choices, but I think there is a thread here related to some of Junsu's recent interests. I believe his performance as Dracula is the key.

Considering that, I'm wondering if it is a Man from Earth kind of narrative. Junsu is an immortal character. He's living through many eras as a tribal 'caveman', a gladiator, a wealthy figure/aristocrat in a robot apocalypse... and possibly with his own little horde of minions who do his bidding in each of these periods.

It would be extremely cool if it's something along those lines. Could be something else entirely and that would be equally cool. That's just going to be my prediction for now.

That audio clip gives me chills every time.
I'm so damn excited about this thing it cannot properly be verbalized.

A quick one...

FINGER STATUS:

Back to the usual hints of pink. Even the thumb scar might disappear completely.

Getting back to drawing this week. Woo!

And in other wonderful news...

TABLO AND JUNSU.

MY JOY IS INEXPRESSIBLE.

INEXPRESSIBLE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A WORD.

 WELL, IT IS NOW.

There are a number of people on the list of dream Junsu collaborators, but the top of said list looks like this:

1. Junsu and Hyukjae
2. Junsu and Tablo
3. Other people...

Considering that Hyukjae will likely be impossible until he leaves SME, Tablo is the number one choice of all possible dream collabos.

They "collabed" back in 2007-ish for the Samsung Anyband commercial stuff along with BoA and Jin Bora. Surely none of them had much creative control about the project other than Tablo writing his own lyrics (I assume). Anyway, I've always wanted a DBSK/Epik High collab... or a JYJ/Epik High collab more recently, but DUDE, I WILL TOTALLY TAKE TABLO/JUNSU.

I'LL TAKE THAT ALL DAY LONG.

We have a few preliminary teaser images for Junsu's album to be released March 3rd. Also the tracklist. Also a few details. Naul and Dok2 are  listed as other collaborators (OMG NAUL). We've been told it will be a 'huge transformation' somehow. Diverse genres is a guarantee. Ballads and R&B and dance pop... And the title track 'Flower' is the one with Tablo.

Supposedly, Flower is 'baroque hip-hop' with strings AND a choir AND Tablo AND Jung Sun-ah of Mozart/Dracula fame. I don't know wtf baroque hip-hop will be, but I'm down for that, whatever it is. Tablo is fucking Tablo. And Sun-ah is a super talented babe with a voice that thrills me.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

THIS ALBUM MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL ME.

Big JYJ Post

ALBUM REVIEW : JUST US
youtube link to listen

Just Us: Just us... just us... JYJ...



Back Seat: Lead single. I have weird mixed opinions about Back Seat. Yoochun's awkward narration will always be both amusing and frustrating for me. And there is a lot of it on this album. Plus, the lyrics are about making out and having sexy-times with someone in the backseat of a car. Two minds on this. One that I have no interest in such things. One that these guys are almost 30 and it is very age appropriate and refreshing in an odd way, since most of their stuff isn't anywhere near that overt. Maybe Be The One? Anyway, ALL of that aside, I love the track. The melody, the simplicity of vocal + beat, building to a big layered 'crescendo' (I don't know what else to call it). Junsu's voice really jams in this one. ★★★

The MV is the most contemporary looking thing JYJ have ever done... even going back to their DBSK days. It still has some styling issues, but I can dig.

Letting Go: Pleasant melody. Pretty chorus. Straightforward imminent break-up song. Junsu's lyrics. Actually a reversal of the break-up songs he has previously written/performed, which are usually about the significant other 'letting go' and him being the dumped one. Yoochun awkward spoken-word again. And the obligatory bleeped-out "F*** off". Lol. ★★

Age 7: Junsu's solo. Ballad ballad ballad. While the lyrics aren't Junsu's, it sounds like something he would write or what a writer would create inspired by things he had talked about. Sounds like another one about that girl. Very sweet and sad. My favorite Junsu-voice is the quieter one and this song has it in spades. Yet another Junsu ballad that stops me in my tracks if it shuffles into a playlist. Can't help but be attentive and refrain from interrupting his voice with any other noise.
★★★★

Dad, You There?: This one is interesting. Emotionally charged. It sounds like a church song, which is appropriate. Yoochun's lyrics. Quite clearly written about his father who passed away recently while Yoochun was on tour and in the middle of shooting a drama. YC has been open about the strained relationship there. His parents split when they were living in Virginia and it sounds like it was far from amicable. He said he had reconnected with his dadwithin the last few years and had come to a better understanding of each other. I can't even rate this song. It's not made for me. It's for Yoochun and his family. I'm glad he had an opportunity to write it.

So So: I freakin' love So So. I feel like this is the transition into the songs on the album where JYJ just sing the fuck out of everything. It's another break-up song, but the narrative is interesting. Conveying the process of falling out of love over the course of seven days (tied together with the 7 deadly sins) and regretting it all. Love the instrumental and most of the abundant English works really well. Hello husky-voice Junsu. Ooo and another awkward Yoochun narration! XD ★★★★

Sad Dawn (2:30am): Another break-up song. This one being the day after, dwelling on regretting it in the early morning hours. Rough. Hehe. I listen to Sad Dawn pretty frequently still. More of the Jaejoong rock influence in this one. I adore the track. That little military march drum. I love the vocals. I love the rhythm transitions and Jaejoong breaking it down at the bridge. The whole thing has this really satisfying pulse to it. And no English or narration! ★★★★★

Let Me See: This song is my shit. Vocal acrobatics. Nearly acapella. Winding, loping melody. A touch of strings. A touch of piano. Lyrically it's more abstract. Some kind of existential struggle. Poetic. This is the ultimate JaeSu song. I've wanted this song since I first became a fan of DBSK. Junsu and Jaejoong have my favorite voices in Kpop... and beyond. Due to their having the strongest voices of the five they were more likely to sing separately, trading off, with the other members harmonizing with them in turn. Getting a proper duet out of them was a rare and brief thing. Only a few songs in their massive discography feature JaeSu singing together.. and the long part during the Lion Heart cover they did on TV. The repetitive breathy chant-singing parts recall Love in the Ice in a really beautiful way.

Thusly, Let Me See is my crack. I almost get this tangible sense of their voices physically weaving into each other. Gives me chills and makes me gloriously happy. No amount of Yoochun's awkward narration can dim my opinion of this one. I could listen to it forever. ★★★★★



Lazy Life (30): This is Yoochun's baby. And it's so him. It's a smokey dive bar, he's the hired entertainment for the night, and this is what he sings when his buddies show up to heckle him. All personal stories about meeting up with friends and his brother, or seeing Junsu and Jaejoong after a while when they were all too busy. Junsu's infamous EUKYANGKYANG laughter immortalized on a record once again. And a narration that actually works, making plans to go out for drinks with a buddy. Oh, Yoochun, you greasy bastard. Lmao. ★

Baboboy: Favorite song on the album right here. I love the sound of it. Makes me feel good. It's more towards R&B, but it has this vaguely rock thing going on? Even with another awkward Yoochun narration in there, I love this shit. particularly love Jaejoong and Junsu at the bridge. The lyrics are more about the beginning of a relationship, but a potentially unhealthy one, where they are toying with each other. Interesting. Jaejoong's lyrics. And so him. ★★★★★

This one is probably my most favorite to see them performing live. It's like the best of what they all have to offer... at least in the upbeat, playful performance category.
Asia Tour - Thailand fancam

Dear J: Jaejoong's solo. Supposedly Jaejoong wrote these lyrics after being inspired by a dream he had where Angelina Jolie appeared to him in her Maleficent get-up. He had just seen the movie apparently. ROFL. This was brought up during a fanmeeting and came as a hilarious shock to Junsu and Yoochun who were unaware of the origins. Again, so him. Big rock song. It would fit right in with JJ's solo rock albums. I love it. Rock is his wheelhouse and it shows. ★★★★

Creation: Here we go. Creation feels like the perfect fusion of JYJ's talents. Vocal acrobatics from JaeSu, narration and a darker sound from Yoochun, pop, elements of R&B, and rock. It's an epic ballad, but not in a way you typically hear. Jaejoong's lyrics are about perseverance, breaking free, and finding hope for the future. Poetic. Beautiful. It's a big fucking song, but they own it, and it's awesome. I think is the one that many fans and non-fans agree on loving, which is cool. ★★★★★

Valentine: Damn this song for making me so conflicted. Lol. Okay, so it's entirely in English, which I'm always iffy about, but it's not terrible. However small, Chris Brown has some kind of credits on it (with a bunch of other guys). Not even gonna go there. Ahem. It has a sound that fits into my personal taste, R&B-wise. Junsu did a lot of stuff on Incredible in this vein and I loved it for that reason. I think they all sound good on it. ★★

More about their touring and performances after the cut...

Finales and comebacks...

Orphan Black is the shit.

So many epic finales in TV shows.
It's a shame how much the Game of Thrones show-writers have put GRRM's complex characters through the trope-factory treatment, especially when it comes to the women whose stories were altered to lift up male characters... to then turn the women into evil traitors to make the male characters seem like noble victims at their hands. Happens so much in media generally, but it's a special kind of frustration when the source material very skillfully doesn't play into any of that shit. Still an epic show.

Orphan Black though. Orphan Black. HO-LEE SHIT. Orphan Black. What a great fuckin' show.
All day errday I'm here for the Clone Club.
Orphan Black.

My scanner decided to check out a few weeks ago for seemingly no reason. And yesterday suddenly decided to work perfectly with no intervention from myself. M'kay.
Thusly, got to complete the tribute to THIS finale...

Which was such an insane game. A terrifying affair. A heart-attack inducing comeback. So pleased for Mesut that he got some kind of trophy in his first season at Arsenal. Real Madrid finished up their season by winning the Champion's League, which  similarly made me happy that those guys got their shit together with Mourinho being gone.

I may or may not continue the Mesut sketches through next season. Probably not for every game at least. This project has successfully gotten me back to art-ing with confidence in my fingers and taping methods. Maybe I'll do highlights? That would be fun. I've loved doing it regardless.

On the topic of football--the World Cup has been an explosively compelling tournament thus far. Only one game has been a crap game really. Everything else has been wildly entertaining. And sooo many goals! It must be the heat and humidity putting the balance of play in favor of offense. Beautiful goals! And so many that certainly the total amount of goals in the 2010 cup will be well exceeded. I couldn't watch the last 30 minutes of the Germany vs. Ghana game. Brutal nerves. There's no way I'll get through the US vs. Germany game on Thursday. No way. I won't watch until I've seen the results. Lol. Too invested in the success of both sides. Brilliant tournament though. Absolutely brilliant.

More comebacks...

I'm re-investing a ton of time into webdesign code stuff. Working on getting HTML5 on lock. I'll be re-forming kpoppy for the third time to be much more compliant to the best coding practices. It's all valid as it is now, but a lot of it is archaic in nature.

JYJ's comeback next month will be followed by an Asia tour. Surely will be their last before military enlistment. I'm sooo curious what the sound of their album will be. Jae posted a clip of a piano piece he has been working on to Instagram. Beautiful new ballad. Gosh... I just can't wait!

And finally, a comeback that made me weep in the midst of gardening. Sora is back! SOOORRRAAAA! Came right back to her favorite branch of the wisteria and chatted at me. I went to get some peanuts and burst into tears when she hopped down right next to me to grab one. The only difference is that she is now followed around by TWO SCREECHING CHILDREN! Hahahahaaa. So clearly she has been nesting. Her little fledglings are all puffy and grey with the typically incessant screaming of new scrub jays. They're hilarious. And momma is very patient.

Also have seen less of GeroGero since she returned, which makes me think he's one of those nesting assistants like Chibi was last year. In fact, after hanging out with Gero a bunch and him getting very comfortable I realized that he might be Chibi. Chibi's distinguishing characteristics were that he was immediately at ease around me and liked to break open peanuts in my presence. Even if I was standing or walking right by him. And he stood very tall compared to the others. That's why I called him Chibi... sarcastically. This jay I was calling Gero ended up displaying exactly these traits. Got some great video footage, too. It would be cool if it really was Chibi, back to the neighborhood to help Sora nest again. Their social system is really fascinating.

So fucking happy to see Sora again--happy and healthy with her new babies.

Life and Death...

Our little garden is doing well. The squash exploded in size and is producing faster than we can keep up with. First time we've tried straight-neck squash and it's good. Tasty. It's overwhelming the basil and tomatoes at the moment. Hopefully it'll spend its energy producing rather than growing/suffocating the basil.

The first mutant.

I tried to modify my sleeping schedule to something reasonable when it started slipping again. Backfired on me as it always seems to. I haven't slept with consistent hours for a week. A bit crazy-making. Why do I try? Lol.

I've determined that we've lost a scrub jay. And I think it was Aoi. Haven't seen him since that massive thunderstorm we had. Our backyard has been his territory for more than 8 years. And suddenly... he's gone. Of course, I have no idea how old he was when he first came here. I'm concerned he may have passed. It's like losing a pet. I'm bummed. I'm planning to immortalize one of my last interactions with him in comic-form.

Sora, Chibi, and Tasu all visit regularly. Tasu has learned to not screech constantly, but is still kind of stupid and won't come near me. All signs point to Chibi inheriting Aoi's dominance. He's a genius. Sits close and watches me for long minutes while I peel peanuts for him. Figured all that out quickly. Sora is still my girl. Chill as ever, but a little less tidy than she used to look. She was probably close to Aoi's age and has been here for 5-6 years. Gettin' old.

Otherwise, it has been towhee takeover. They're everywhere. Oh, and a couple of mourning doves showed up last week that I've never seen before. I'm not entirely sure that's what they are. They're the right shape and have the characteristic wing-whistle, but they're the palest mourning doves I've ever seen. They're silvery-white. And one of them is enormous. A scaled-up version. I wonder if it's mixed with a rock dove or something. Haven't gotten a picture yet, because they're pretty jumpy. Rad-looking though.

Football season has begun again. Real Madrid won their first match, but they're not looking super solid yet. Ancelotti is playing Mesut out of position. The Isco/Özil dynamic will have to be figured out. The energy already feels better than last season though.

Death is back! Tod 2.0... the Dark Tod.
Fiercer. Darker. Just as fabulous.



Then he got up the next morning and played a soccer game and scored a goal. The Death nail-polish probably needed a bit of touching up after that.


On a last bright note. Junsu is still granting three wishes during 'Genie Time' on his tour. Fans have begun requesting favorite songs and are coming prepared with printed out lyrics. Kind of hilarious.

The ones where he doesn't know the melody well are really impressive/lulzy, but this one is Busker Busker's big hit from last year 'Cherry Blossom Ending'. Sweet song.


Cute.

Pure Junsu spam...

Incredible
Turns out that I love this track way more than I thought I would. It has been stuck in my head since it was released. Catchy as all get out. Quincy's delivery is as dull as his step-father's. Sorry, Diddy. WTF is a spaceship candy? Anyway, love the track. So bright and fun compared to Tarantallegra. And it's just ridiculous and fun. Should've gotten a dancer to be on the bed with him instead of a model. Models tend to be graceless and awkward. Can't have that lack of enthusiasm next to DAT GOLD SUIT. He literally 'put his swag on'. Hahahaha. Bless him.


LOEN's Showcase
It was only 30 minutes, but pretty great. Tarantallegra, 11AM, Sorry, and Incredible. The 11AM performance is really something special. Done like the MV with just the vocal and then adding in live piano. He looks so happy to be on stage. Adorable and having fun with the audience, as always. His 10+ years of experience is really showing. Always on-point and charming.


the Grammys
Put him on the home page for a bit, which came as a sweet surprise. Lovely interview. The highlight: "I'm not trying to overestimate myself of anything, but Music is me."
Reminds me of his lyric from Mozart, "I'm a major, a minor, a harmony, a melody... I'm a forte, a piano, a dance and fantasy. I... am... music." Damn right.


Ask in a Box
Another interview... less serious. More the typical bubbly Su. Chunsa Junsu FOREVER. He'll never live that down. Chicken love. Kindred spirit on the math front. And shorts. Good heavens, boy. Lots of shorts during this promotional period. Gone his whole career wearing only pants and suddenly his legs are everywhere. Checking my kpop tumblr is like wading through a river of Junsu legs. Maybe he overcame a complex after having dozens of fangirls filming him play soccer in HD. LOL.


Fantasy
One of my favorite songs on the album, especially after I saw clips of the first concert. It's infectiously happy and flirtatious. This particular clip reminded me of old performances of Michael Jackson... like Another Part of Me. So playful with the fans/dancers and looking like he's having the time of his life.


Incredible Rehearsal
Looks like the LA dance team will be at the two shows back in Korea. I love the Korean dancers, but these guys are simply another level of professional talent. They helped Junsu reach his true potential as a dancer after a career of doubting himself despite his natural ability. Yunho was always 'the best dancer in kpop' and to say otherwise was blasphemy. That was never actually true, but I don't think Junsu realized what he could do until he got out from under that shadow. Jeri Slaughter challenged him, thereby erasing any of those doubts. The LA crew will bring out the best in him at the concerts. Can't wait to see them do Turn it Up, Fantasy, and No Reason. Gonna be a beautiful thing.


Right in the feels, too. Dance rehearsals are the most fun part of being in a company. Everyone knows what they're doing... just marking timing and spacing... so fun. I miss it.

Bambayaaaaah!
Done.

11AM...

My favorite person singer in the world released this pre-release special MV ahead of his album.

It's... um...

It's kind of everything.

Seriously, if I could have asked him personally to make a thing...

This is pretty much what it would look like and sound like and feel like.

Yeah.

I'll... have to work through some feelings on this one.



*ahem*
The real single for when the album is released will be a dance track--based on the tiny bit of audio/picture leaks. Upbeat, summery, colorful, pop. I love contrast. This is definitely a contrast.
So happy. So weepy and happy.
*sigh*

Potential...

I have been reading.
I have also been reminded of why I don't read books as much as I used to.
It's dangerous.
I can't ever put them down. Hours and days disappear. I dive in and forget to manage basic bodily functions. I'm nearly at 6 books in the last two weeks.

Finally getting around to reading the remaining Enderverse books. I had been waiting until they were all out to plow through in one go. But the movie will be out at the end of the year, so I'm forging ahead even with two more books forthcoming. Halfway through Earth Afire. Earth Unaware and this one precede Ender's Game. **SPOILER ALERT** You get an intimate view of first contact with the Buggers and how that all goes down. Having read the rest of the series with a grasp of what the next 3000 years are like, I know exactly what is going to happen. I could guess what 'The Scouring of China' referred to in EG. I knew the death toll and immense tragedy. But that isn't making it any less thrilling or terrifying... more-so probably. That first-hand view is an intense roller coaster of emotion. I'm especially interested in the content, because Aaron Johnston was the co-writer and he worked on the screenplay for the movie, so the shots of the invasion will certainly be canon. What's shown in the trailer is accurate to the text thus far. That's cool. Gosh, and Mazer's story is hair-raising at times. Wow.

Ancelotti is confirmed for Real Madrid. He said Zidane will be assistant coach on the bench ZIZOUUUUUUUUUUU! I will shit rainbows whenever Özil/Zidane interaction happens. The young and excellent Isco was announced today, too. I'm feeling very hopeful about the next season.

I've developed quite a relationship with the Scrub Jays that visit our backyard. There are four. Each with distinct personalities/behaviors. Never a dull moment. I should post about them. Maybe some video! We'll see.

First teaser for Junsu's album and MV. Haunting and delicious.
He said there would be bright summery fun and also darkness.
I'll take it. All of it.



But nothing is as important as what happened in the wee morning hours on Tuesday.
My nephew was born. He's the first of the next generation on both sides of my family.
The feeling is incredibly foreign. It's strange to think of my brother as a father.
So strange.
It's only because we're so different.
He, the gregarious, independent, married, adult.
Me... the polar opposite.
I can't begin to fathom taking on that kind of responsibility.
Utterly beyond me in every way. Makes me anxious just thinking about it.

But the little one, not so little actually despite being two weeks early, is perfectly healthy. With a full head of hair. No red though. Heh.
Welcome to the world, W!

Assortment of Finals...

KPOPPY:
Finally, posted the link to the kpop subreddit, which was my intention since early on in the process of making the site a 'thing'. Got a tremendous response, so I'm encouraged to keep it updated and keep working on the code. Added a whole 'More...' section to the Music page that took forever, but I'm happy with.
It's nice to have an ongoing thing to work on. Although, I'm frying my retinas from staring at code all the time.
@_@

FANGIRLING:
A fan streamed VIDEO from the second two nights of JYJ at Tokyo Dome. That was rather wonderful. The concert was seriously impressive... on a global scale, not just a Jpop/Kpop scale. Apparently, Junsu is the one that suggested Jaejoong sing 'Glamorous Sky', which is a song I've loved for ages--written by Hyde and performed by Nana Mikashima. And supposedly Hyde was in the audience for the finale show. Wild. As someone who got to Kpop THROUGH Jrock... that's a mind-eff. Jae did a lovely job. Really a spectacular show.

FOOTBALL:
Real Madrid had a brilliant first half of their second leg against Galatasaray and then went to sleep for the second half. Gala scored 3 goals rather rapidly. I started getting Germany-Sweden flashbacks. In the end, their excellent performance during the first leg 3-0, kept them afloat with Gala winning 3-2 in the second. Oh, and between those games they played Levante. 5-1. Mesut scored two goals in the space of like 5 minutes. That was cute. He almost looked apologetic when it happened.

More importantly, the results are in...

Well said, Mes. Well said.

Champion's League semi-finalists: Bayern Munich, Borussia Dortmund, Barcelona, and Real Madrid.
RM have already played Barca so many times this season... hopefully they'll draw someone else. No idea what will happen though. Bayern is incredibly strong. Dortmund is young and creative. They could surprise everyone. Barca is methodical and patient. Real is totally unpredictable this season. Sheer genius one minute. Absolute crap the next. But they want La Decima and they want it bad! Certainly, they'll be exciting games. whatever the draw is!

EDIT:
3:40am Friday. The UCL draw just finished. Happens to be the most favorable draw for Real.
1st leg...
Bayern (home) vs. Barca
Dortmund (home) vs. RM

2nd leg at home for us. Woo! And still... if tragedy strikes and we lose--I love Dortmund, so it's a guarantee that one of my favorite teams will be in the final. ^^

Laughter...

This low point of my life is agonizing and perpetual.
BUT the panic attacks are less and less frequent. I've been able to eat fairly normally for the last couple of months. My body is compensating by being hungry all the time, so I'm trying to keep up with it. I was hanging around 95lbs there for a while. *shudder* Scary.

Better.

I think I'm going to dig up that site I made for Kpop fans/newbs. It's just basic HTML/CSS from a class project, but now I'm thinking it could be useful for the uninitiated. Adding a few things here and there. Making a few fun graphics 'cause my fingers are happily deflated currently. So, yeah, I think I'll put that up soon. Mostly for the lulz.

On that note... lulz...
Cultural note: In Korea (and Japan), ladies send chocolates to the dudes they are fond of on Valentine's. The dudes return the favor (or not) on White Day in March. So, the chocolate-begging is standard comedy for guys on Valentine's. 
A lot of the humor is lost on non-Korean speakers since Jaejoong and Yoochun are channeling their ancient Korean acting roles with the fierce language of nobility during the Joseon Dynasty.
Oh, and Junsu singing a cappella. That, too. T___T
My three favorite themes from his musicals: Mozart's love song to Constanze, Joon's desperate grief of missing Lin while stuck in the Vietnam War, and Death's seduction of the Empress Elisabeth of Austria.


Brotherhood and solidarity, joy and openness and the capacity to endlessly tease each other...
The burden and darkness was seen so easily over the last few years, but now... Light-hearted. Radiant. Fun.
Laughter.
So much laughter.
Junsu EU KYANG KYANG-ing up a storm, knocking over the microphone pack, and barely able to breathe for laughing so hard...
Priceless.

Happy Valentine's Day!

These Kims...

These Kims are killing me.
Jaejoong released his solo album last week. It's a rock album. And it rocks! Seriously! It was a long time coming. That's how he started singing in the first place... convinced to front a little high school rock band by his friends. I highly doubt he would've ever had the chance to do a rock project while still in SM. YAY FOR FREEDOM! He took that freedom and ran with it. Raaaaaaaaan with it.

Jae's 'rock voice' has always been my favorite voice of his. In TVXQ, he almost exclusively used his smooth, clear voice to help the other four blend. In JYJ, he still does because it perfectly balances Junsu's permanently hoarse/damaged tone. But throughout Jae's career, he would have one-off rock performances at concerts and TV shows. Mostly solo stuff. He'd open up his throat and totally let loose.
That voice, I really love.
I didn't have super high expectations for the album, since it's so new and personal to him, but I'm completely delighted to say that I love it. It's solid and different and covers a range of styles in just five songs.

Then there's the music video for Mine. Basically, he's one-upping Junsu in the budget department. He went ALL OUT. It's very visual-kei. It's over-the-top. It's a bit ridiculous and campy and gorgeous.
It sums up the spazz that is Jaejoong.
And obviously, it's highly symbolic of freeing himself from SM's chains and facing the backlash head on. I'm glad he went there. I don't think anyone could argue that he half-assed it. It's also an amusing response to people saying he looks like a vampire... long before the Twilight craze, mind you.



The rhinoceros beetle hat thing... kills me. XD
That's the most aggressive track on the record. If there is any consensus in the fan community, it's that One Kiss is the strongest track. It preceded the music video as a teaser for the project. And I agree that it's pretty lovely.

I'm generally just really happy for him. Well done, Jae. Dream successfully accomplished! It's charting like crazy, of course. A little solo Asia tour is next. Then it looks like they're working on a JYJ album for the summer. Who knows what that'll be like after these incredible solo efforts. Exciting!

Speaking of dreams. Junsu held the concert that he always wanted to. A series of three shows. Live orchestra and band. Covers of his favorite songs. Musical numbers. Intimate venue. And on the last day he brought his mom out and they sang a duet. A promise he made to her as a child. I bawled.

Here's a rare treat of him playing piano. Looking like a hybrid of his cats, Leo and Tigger, with the hair and the fur. Lol. Cute.
From the Innocent Man OST
Truly


*sigh*

In Heaven

...
Eyeballs are swimming and... yeah...

Probably the hardest part of watching it is knowing what inspired Jaejoong to write the song in the first place. While recording in LA in 2010, he spoke to his good friend Yongha on the phone. Yongha offered they should go out for drinks when Jaejoong got back to Korea. Yongha killed himself the next day.
An experience similar to this affected my own family early this year.
No judgements here. Suicide is brutal... from every angle.
Shared by many survivors, including Jaejoong, is the feeling that if you could go back in time, you would never leave their side. You would change things. You would treat them differently. You would do... something. If only you knew.
Sometimes you can't know, but even that doesn't throw off the burden and grief.

No more about that.

In Heaven: The album is lovely, honest, personal, and very much outside-the-box as far as the Kpop industry is concerned. We'll see if any broadcasters step up and allow them to perform on TV. Junsu's acting is pretty adorable in the video. Jihyo is gorgeous and well-cast. Very pleased with the way it's shot, the colors, the pacing, etc. The Gregorian chant bit in the intro is a nice addition, too. Apparently, there will be a 10 minute long version released. Not sure if that's a rumor. Regardless... lovely. 300,000 preorders on the first day. Unheard of. After two years of hell--it's a good time to be a JYJ fan.