P4A 2015 Recap...

Vlogritte John

Vlogritte Hank

The Vlogbrothers mashed-up with surrealist painter René Magritte.
Based on Magritte’s ‘La clef des songes’ where he juxtaposed ordinary objects with seemingly unrelated words. But I’ve given it a twist. The uninitiated would not see any relationship between the objects and the words, but my fellow nerdfighters probably will.

VLOGRITTE JOHN

Sharpies - Les étoiles (Stars): Referencing John’s primary occupation as author, the great impact of The Fault in Our Stars, and the enormous amount of Sharpies he used to sign more than 150,000 copies of the book.

Peanut Butter - La punition (Punishment): Everyone knows the only way to make the internet pay attention to news is via peanut butter face. Punishments and challenges have become such an integral part of online and vlogging culture.

Pizza - John: Inspired this whole idea. It had to be a thing. Pizza John a la Magritte. Hank explains how the original happened. Also, Happy late Pizzamas!

Egg - Le yéti (The Yeti): Initially, John’s very awesome wife was never seen on camera or spoken of by name, thusly, The Yeti. But more recently, Sarah has been cultivating our appreciation and understanding of art through The Art Assignment, sharing her knowledge and skill earned through a ton of study and curation. The egg is one of Magritte’s commonly repeated images, so it all comes back around to the inspiration. Here, it’s a symbol of John and Sarah teaching us, entertaining us, and helping us grow and think about the world in new ways.

VLOGRITTE HANK

2D Glasses - La baudroie (Anglerfish): Hank appears to have approximately a gajillion projects going at any time, which is hard to express with one object. I used the 2D glasses to represent the sciency, nerdy, creative, and oddball ideas that Hank has ‘made a thing’. And apparently La baudroie is not precisely an anglerfish, but it will have to do! Here representing Hank’s development as a musician and the delightfully deep Song About an Anglerfish.

Bunny Peep - La route (Road): Yet another popular community challenge, because eating a ton of peeps while explaining really horrifying world problems and hoping to decrease said worldsuck is a thing. And the road is paved with peeps on Nerdfighteria Island.

Corndog - Hank: Who the eff is Hank? Hank is a sausage covered in cornbread batter and deep fried. Hank + corndog = OTP..

Leaves - Le weegie: Leaves for EcoGeek and Hank’s effort to support and encourage technologies that don’t damage the environment and reverse some of the damage we’ve already done. Also a commonly repeated Magritte image. Le weegie is a silly play on words to represent Katherine’s contributions to GamesWithHank and Wii Wednesdays… as Luigi. Weegie! Master of Science, awesome singer, Christmas Tree wrangler, caretaker of animals… The Katherine, whose warmth and enthusiasm is contagious in the best way.

---

The process: acrylic paint on paper 16x20. Had to cut it down to fit in the scanner and stitch it back together. Some prismacolor pencil for details. Touch-up in photoshop.

Made fifteen 8x10 prints of each and doubled them up for fifteen perks.

Posted them on tumblr and got a lovely response. Lots of likes and reblogs, which is super sweet.

The Project for Awesome was wonderful as usual. Streamed as much as possible. Much silliness was had. Hitting one million was a highlight. Hank, Henry, Destin, and ViHart singing wildly. Lol. Great fun with sciency people.

A very successful P4A!

Winter Meditations

Winter Meditations (formerly Winter Zen)

It poured rain at times over the last couple days. Come at me, El Niño!
Above: Refreshed the doodle I did in February '14. Now available for purchase.
Working on so many things that I've just gotten to completion... took a bit of a break to make a metric fuckton of Ikea furniture for the family office/room. And to watch how my hand does.
I procrastinated too long on the Project for Awesome Art Perks. Did a ton of long-term preparation since last year, but was in such a psychological funk this year that I couldn't find the motivation until really late. Got it done though. I'll cover that in the next post. Anyway, got a couple swollen spots on my fingers, but only slight, and I've wrapped/taped them so diligently from the start that I think I've prevented a full-blown episode. Woo! Means I'll be able to keep working on things.

Once the furniture situation is handled I'll focus on end-of-the-year Kpop stuff. The annual re-coding Kpoppy.com, this time with the new Bootstrap, finalizing my 2015 Best Of playlist, and getting started on a History of Kpop piece I've had in my head for a while... aiming to finish it sometime next year.
Also a couple of commissions to crank out before the New Year. Fun stuff. 

---

Arsenal was having a nice start to the season. Mesut has been on fire. Broke a record for assists in consecutive games. And a few goals to boot. Really rough November for the team though. Got hit with the curse of injuries again. Almost the entire starting 11 with knocks. Mes is the last man standing. Lol. *Knocks wood*
Been a weird season. Leicester kicking ass and Chelsea in an epic downward spiral of failure, both quite delightful to witness.



Jae and Chun serving well in the military. I'm more comfortable with all that now. Junsu released a mini-album (awesome), just finished a tour with it (awesomer), will feature at the upcoming Epik High concert (even awesomer), will have 3 days of his Musical/Ballad concert to end the year (awesomest), then will have a 2nd run of Dracula early next year (awesome x infinity), and probably wind down around then to start his service. We'll see. Jaejoong will have his pre-enlistment album out in February. Also the 'JYJ Bill' passed, which is attempting to make blacklistings of that nature punishable by law. Many folks celebrated that they'd be able to be on TV again. But those who are better informed know that it mainly just reiterates and confirms the current situation as illegal and corrupt, but you can't force broadcasters to have JYJ on TV. They'll just continue to make arbitrary/creative excuses that they can't get in trouble for... and the exile will remain. It's nice to have it out there though. On principle. And that it's named after them.

PSY had his first proper comeback after Gangnam Style.

Took a screencap when I first watched it. 328 views. Just checked and it's currently 25 million views. In 4 days. Ridiculous. Lmao. I prefer Napal Baji, which is just shy of 7 million currently. Been looking forward to what he might do for a long while. In the lead-up to the album he announced the collabs, one of which was Junsu. Nearly peed myself from sheer glee. Their track turned out to be my favorite on the album. It's a lovely tribute to the late Shin Hae Chul. And Junsu sings the hell out of it. His tone is great for it--both emotional and bright. It's called 'Dream'. Touching lyrics.

Mad sleepy. Off to bed.

What does it meeaaaan...

It means rain! And double rainbows! And weird glowy cloudy skies!
Looked quite unreal for a while. A shame my crappy digital camera doesn't do such things justice.
It rained through most of the day which was delightful. Petrichor likewhoa.

Not fast enough...

... for C.

Didn't even get to finish her letter yet!

♥♥♥

Pieces of Autumn...

Played around with the Paper Weavings Art Assignment. Had this stack of old origami-style paper with metallic gold on its colored side. Normal picture on the left. The weaving posted in a sunny window on the right. Neato.

More accurate representation of the shiny gold paper on the left and what the back of the weaving looks like on the right. I dunno... I think the back might be the best part. Lol.

Currently preparing some cleaned up versions of older work so they're print-ready.

Also currently on the Bernie Sanders hype train. Choo choo.

Also enjoying all the super hero/comic book shows coming back. 2nd episode of Arrow was killer. Debating whether I can handle another season of Daredevil on Netflix violence-wise. Jessica Jones as well. Super Girl looks like it could be awesome or terrible.

Also JUNSU TEASER!

APOCALYPTIC AF!

Looks like the imagery is inspired from Revelation 9.

I'm down! So excited.

Sora has this awkward tail feather that was probably supposed to molt off like normal, but has been there for almost a month. Dead grey and thrashed a bit... jutting out oddly. Doesn't seem to be messing up her flight or anything, but I'm a wee bit concerned. Shake ya tail feather, girl!

Also DBSK/JYJ fandom crapped its pants over the last couple weeks due to Jaejoong and Yunho meeting in public. Amicably. Meltdowns. Meltdowns everywhere.

Interesting development. Veerrrry interesting.

Planets and constellations...

Pluto is my desktop background for the indefinite future.
So pretty.
And there's flowing water on Mars.
So rad.
And the eclipse was really lovely. We had perfectly clear conditions to see it here. Gorgeous color.

Computer is great. Drawing and painting again is great. Multiple projects in the furnace, so I'll be stagnant on the end product for a little while still. S'all good.

But this post will mostly about constellations. One in particular.
Cassiopeia.

But that's all Kpop insanity, so it's going under a cut.
Private First Class Jaejoong jamming to Uptown Funk for the lulz.

Looking up...

Poof!

Always lots of pretty sunrises and sunsets this time of the year.

It took a couple weeks, but the computer situation is pretty golden at the moment.

Got a new much-needed mouse and pair of headphones.

Got Windows happily running and updated. And I embraced the opportunity to dump a lot of old files and re-organize/clean up my filing system. All drivers working. All programs installed nicely. Cleaned out old archives in the external hard drive and backed up the currently awesome state of the computer. Still going to take a while to get all my fonts, workspace, and tool presets loaded in for Photoshop and that sort of thing. But that happens organically anyway. Again, taking the opportunity to get everything refreshed.

And NOW I can get back to work. YUSSSS.

Bootstrap 4 is out in beta, so I'll slowly be re-coding Kpoppy with some of that new stuff. Cool.

Also helping out the This Week in Kpop guys with their MV posting site, which is very similar to what I do on the blog attached to Kpoppy. Always enjoy helping Kpop-related community efforts. Get to learn stuff and have a routine.

Its been crazy hot again, so I've had to delay painting, but I want to start hammering some things out this coming week. I'm determined to not be pressured on the P4A work this time around.

And FINALLY I'll get to transitioning to the replacement tablet now that the computer crashing trauma is less vivid. Yay.

Both Jaejoong and Yoochun are now serving in the military. A slew of guys entering soon. 4/5 DBSK guys will be serving within a couple months with Changmin going early. Hyukjae too. Mind-eff. Trying to detach myself now that I've become aware how much anxiety it's giving me. Gotta let some of that go... and keep my eyes on my own paper. I don't want to be so emotionally invested in folks across the world that I'm sickened by the thought of what they're dealing with. Not healthy for me. Overactive empathy... hurting myself with it. Not cool. Awareness is one thing. Panic attacks at every bit of news is another.

And LITERALLY keep my eyes on my own paper for some drawings. Much more driven to doodle now with the computer madness out of the way.

During the file re-organizing I came across some old art stuff I did for various projects. Like these apples from a quick html class assignment.

Kinda cute!

99 updates available...

Taunting me.

After a remarkably pleasant phone conversation with Dell tech support I received a Windows 7 installation disc in two days. Thank you, Dell support gentleman with a distinctly South Asian name and distinctly South Asian accent. You are my hero.

The last couple of days have been the slow addition of all my drivers and software and various programs. Sloooooow. Trying to not do more than a few installations in between restarts. Not even going to think about loading in all my backed-up files until things are settled.

About those updates...

There were many in the first couple days. Large lists of available Windows updates. And I diligently made my way through them.
Last night, after two days of stable Windows 7 and adding programs and successfully getting through the 150+ updates, there was one update still to go.

Just one.

One that would only kick in along with a shutdown.

But this one update made me paranoid because it looked frighteningly like another single update with which I had recent experience. When I had rolled back from Windows 10 and was scrambling to deal with the incessant freezes and finally got enough up-time to fully backup everything, there was one Windows update.

Just one.

And I had two choices:

(1) Attempt a system restore back to a time before I upgraded to Windows 10
(2) Get this one Windows update so it isn't in the queue and THEN system restore

I made the wrong decision. I should have just done the restore while I could. But I was exhausted and my brain was fried from a week of computer failure madness. So I took the update + shutdown option, ready to do the restore when I turned the computer back on.

And that's when the computer stopped being capable of loading Windows at all. It would get to the Windows animation screen and freeze. Twice. Five times. A dozen.

Hence the necessity to have the conversation with the South Asian gentleman to get the installation disc.

Fast forward to last night. That one update. Could it be the same? Will this Windows update permanently crash Windows again?

Yes. The answer is yes.

I did the update + shutdown.
When I turned on the computer today, it froze at the Windows startup animation.
And did the same when I tried again.

To say I saw red would be a massive understatement.

But luckily the recent use of the installation disc gave me the option to do a system restore. The most recent boot failed. Same freeze. So I went back one more boot.

SUCCESS!

Everything is happy again. I've added a few more little things. Restarted successfully a couple times. All happy.

Except for those 99 updates available mocking me from the control panel 'cause I'm UNDERSTANDABLY PARANOID that the Windows crashing Windows update is in there and it will shove the knife in a little harder... and twist.

Just going to plan to get a few happy boots in before I take on those updates. And be prepared to system restore again... now that I am a well-experienced master of the system restore.

Cue mirthless half-crazed laughter.

Shaka, when the walls fell...

Zinda, his face black, his eyes red.

I fucked up.

Yeah, upgrading to Windows 10 was risky, but I understood the risks. I've dealt with computer meltdowns before. And 10 had been tested for quite a long period before rolling out. So I backed up all my files and forged ahead, making the leap from 7 to 10.

For a few days it was wonderful. Fast. Smooth. All positive. Worked on a few prints. But then there was an update among other things, like being prompted to update a few drivers. Cool. The next time I turned on the computer it froze a few minutes after startup. Not your average freeze. A deep freeze. Solidly unmoving and unresponsive and silent. Okaaaaay...

This became a pattern after a few days. Hard freezes intermittently. Sudden restarts out of nowhere. The tower starting to shower beeps at me, unable to start again. More and more hard shutdowns, like pulling the plug on a loved one. Worse and worse.

Scrambling to use the brief uptime to figure out the problem. Rolling back recoveries. Killing problematic programs. Dumping drivers. Scanning all the things. To no avail. Days passed. Worse and worse.

Last night I threw in the towel. Time to restore Windows 7 and pray. Restored it today. Froze at one point, but continued on restart. Windows 7 happily returned. FreeCell in all it's ad-free glory. Got an hour out of it. Doing all kinds of scanning and updates to get everything rolled back.

Freeze.

Oh no.

And again the beeps and struggling restarts. And a fucking cascade of awfulness. And it will no longer turn on. Tried to get it going one more time to backup those few files and do a system restore. But no. It won't turn on.

So, here I sit, pecking out this post via my tablet. Funny about that. It's always worked beautifully, but there was the recall due to battery overheating. I received my replacement tablet a few days ago. It's waiting, mostly untouched. Couldn't stand the thought of activating it and there being some problem. Then I would be computer-less and tablet-less once the kill-switch was triggered on this one. Not about to deal with that potential technology failure after the last week of Windows hell.

Just feels like it's all hanging in the balance right now. I would feel relatively fine reformatting if I could save those few files. But I may never get the thing running again.

Shaka, when the walls fell.

Been playing Fallout Shelter a lot while the computer has been shitting itself. So addicting. It's like the early Sims games before they got enormous and complex. Totally my jam.

Also had another horrible panic/anxiety relapse last week. Felt like a crazed reanimated corpse for a few days, but getting through it was probably good for me.

Kailash, when it rises. Sokath, his eyes opened.

The 100 degree temperatures and smoke haze have cooled and cleared.

Geez. It was a rough week. Lol.
 Don't know why Darmok came to mind, but... ya know, there's always more room for Darmok.

Actually, I bet watching Star Trek would vastly improve my mood right now. Netflix it is!

And tomorrow... tomorrow I duel with Windows...
 The Beast of Tenagra.

Blue moon...

Appropriate to make a 'once in a Blue Moon' post with a Blue Moon. Nothing like arbitrary and flawed human systems to make something special out of something entirely un-special. ^^

Got an e-mail this morning that almost all Nvidia Shield Tablets sold over the last year are being recalled for potential to overheat dangerously and start fires. Mine included. Figures. Rofl.
According the process I went through to register for the recall, I won't be required to send my existing tablet in. They're just shipping out new devices to everyone and as soon as we turn it on, our old tablets will become bricks. Killswitch engage! The fact they can do that is a bit alarming in itself.

Nice that it's so straightforward though. My current tablet has worked quite well. Love the thing. It gets super hot when I run certain games for a while, but I've just been gentle with it and let it cool when that happens. My main concern now is that the replacement tablet, with it's new battery, will have some other problem that my current tablet does not... and I'll be stuck with that or have to get that one replaced too.

Anyway, 2-4 weeks or so to see what I get. *fingers crossed*
Never had a smart device before and never been involved in a recall. Lots of firsts happening. Also the first time I've had my own computer for a big windows upgrade. I did the Windows 10 upgrade first day. Which I'm aware is generally considered to be a bad idea. Smart people wait a year or so for all the bugs to get worked out. 10 was thoroughly tested by the public before launch though and I read up on it a ton, so I just took the leap. Still getting adjusted to things, but I rather like it so far.

Finally some cooler temperatures after quite the brutal heatwave last week.
Going outside to water the tomatoes for 10 minutes maximum and I feel like my skin is frying on the spot. Ick. And the California drought isn't helping matters. Dead lawns are much hotter than living ones. And I don't think I mentioned that our neighbor's fig tree nose-dived into our backyard a while back. It's a sad sight and we lost a ton of shade (and an enormous amount of un-ripened figs). I'll make a post with pictures some time.

Poor figgy. ;__;

Sh*tpost : Macs are evil

A brief rant.

My mom uses an iMac. I've troubleshooted for her a number of times and it's always a shit-show. It often ends up being some massive update that you have to dig for because the 'automatic updates' system doesn't actually do what it says it will.

She was trying to import videos/photos off her camcorder into iMovie, which she has done multiple times before. Took me way too long to determine that the computer was recognizing the camera, but iMovie was not. Made me massively appreciate how 'manual' PCs are. Far easier to diagnose a problem if there is one. Anyway, eventually GoogleFu-ed myself to a single support page that mentioned a recent iOS update might cause this importing problem. SHOOOOOCCCCKKK.

Then had to jump elsewhere and drill down a dozen pages to get the necessary update for iMovie. Taking all the least obvious routes to get there. It's downloading right now... more than a gig 'update'. Geez louise. Fingers crossed.

Not to mention that my mom uses totally different mouse sensitivity and I was on her Mac so long that movement on my computer is catastrophically off now. Lmao. AND that recent update had suddenly reversed her scroll-wheel action, but she didn't know how to fix it. So had to dig for that as well.

The amount of flaming hoops you have to jump through with iOS... lawd ha'mercy!

I suppose if I had grown up with macs instead of PCs it would come easier, but yeeeeeeesh.

Almost afraid to go check... brb.

Nope. Only halfway. OTL...

Hour later: Ohhhh gooooood. Can't install that without the previous update. And if that's the case it looks like I'll be dl-ing every update between 8.0.6 and 9.0.9. Faaaaaantastic. FFS. There must be a better way.

30 more minutes: Nope. Can't do that either, because you need a fresh download of 9.0, which is no longer available through the app store... because they're up to 10.something now. Aaaaaand the reviews on the 10.something seem to show this importing problem STILL EXISTS. Unreal. Never fucking mind. Just gonna straight download her stuff to the computer and go from there.

SO DONE.

RAINBOWS... RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE!

YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

This straight woman who has zero interest in marriage herself has been giddy, smiling, and crying all day from sheer happiness. Today the world became a bit less sucky!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Advanced brain maneuver...

Bit of a silly post while it's fresh.
It's about the most brutal tip-of-my-tongue loop I've ever been caught in.

I essentially see every major Kpop release (and a ton of other stuff) as it happens for the purposes of maintaining kpoppy. Every once in a while there will be some riff or melody that recalls some other song I've heard. Usually I can place it quickly or it's too common to matter. Then this happened:

On May 11th, Kpop legend BoA released the MV for Kiss My Lips:



And a bunch of factoids are in the BoA folder. The MV track stands out compared to a lot of other stuff right now. Interesting guitar and details. I consider BoA to be one of the best stage performers in Kpop ever, despite not loving the tone of her voice and her styling choices and how much she has changed her face since debut and how this choreo is way sub-par for what she's capable of. The background lighting reminds me of JYJ's Backseat... particularly Junsu's scenes. Which makes me think of when BoA supported a tweet that lashed out at Junsu post-lawsuit and how that made me lose respect for her outside of performance. And the heavy use of projections like Ra.D's As Always I enjoyed so much last year and how frequently they're used now. The backup dancers are the team that also worked on TVXQ's Spellbound and JYP's recent and ridiculous Who's Your Mama and they're fuckin' awesome. Best backup team in the industry.

And this is the kind of narrative that runs through my head for anything Kpop related because I've just been invested for that long. The Kpop folders are currently very deep and accessible. AND NONE OF THAT IS RELEVANT.

Because the part that made me glare at the screen, brain wandering somewhere else entirely, is the first TWO SECONDS OF THE VIDEO. That little synthesized crescendo kinda thing. I have no idea what that is. It's the vibration after banging on a piano sounding thing.

And I damn near lost my mind, because I know that sound. It is the opening two seconds to some other song I know. It's.... eh... by.... uh... OMG... WHAT IS THAT SONG?!

And for THREE WEEKS I could not think of the song or the artist or the context of it for the life of me.

I knew:

1. It was a song I had heard many times
2. I liked it very much
3. I could not recall any part of the melody or lyrics
4. It might be a female vocalist
5. The sound wouldn't be exact, but close
6. And I kept getting a very subtle brain-nudge that it was related to Jrock

THREE WEEKS of this thing ruminating in my brain every day.

And all I really had to go on was that feeling every time I listened to the first seconds of the BoA song. That instinctive feeling when you have a playlist running in the background and the first notes of a song you like come on and catch your attention and perk you up.

Was it actually Jrock? Was it a Kpop song? Would my parents have any idea if I played it for them? What if I posted it to reddit? I WAS THIS DESPERATE.

A few days ago I was up way later than I should have been. Up through the night into the morning. I played the BoA sound again at like 7am to my very sleep-deprived brain. Again that feeling of knowing with certainty, but unable to grasp anything concrete. Again wracking my brain for Jrock artists. Was it something Miyavi? Or maybe An Cafe? Or... still seems like it should be a female vocal... but who would that be? That wouldn't be Jrock. Fiona Apple? Or A Fine Frenzy? Or... ?

Even listened through a bunch of my itunes library. No luck.

But in one moment, something clicked with Japanese and female vocalist. That felt right.

A pop artist then? Ayumi? Nakashima? Namie?........ UTADA?!!!

Utada hit some bundle of nerves that made me consider briefly that I was thinking of Passion with it's weird reversed audio.

But I think what it really did is pull up just the right folder from the deep recesses. The folder for Japanese female vocalist rock/pop from a certain time period before I grew an interest in Kpop at all. The only female Jrock artist I listened to at the time.

And it was like I could physically feel when the neurons lined up.

ZWEI. IT'S FUCKING ZWEI.

Then everything made sense. Unable to recall specific lyrics because they were Japanese. Female vocalist, but not very feminine. Jrock, but obscure and outside of the mainstream. So obscure that I doubt anyone could have helped me with it.

Quickly shuffled through the handful of Zwei songs I knew... Dragon, Denny, Hikari, Fake Face...WATASHIGAI...... YESSSSSSSSS.

And there it was. That sound. The opening seconds of the song.

SWEET SWEET RELIEF.
So old and obscure that this is the best available Youtube video.
After three weeks I was thinking I was completely delusional and hopeless.

But it was motherfucking Zwei.
It has probably been literally 10 years since I last heard this song. Or very close to it.

So obscure.
Made it more satisfying to finally make the connection in all that obscurity. ROFL.

And I checked out my old favorite of theirs Dragon to see if it held up.
Dude, still such a jam.

THANK YOU, TIRED BRAIN.

SHE WORE! SHE WORE!

Two in a row. 12 total for The Arsenal. A new record!
Mesut was awesome! Everyone was awesome!
YA GUNNERS YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

29th ding...

29 is a proper adult age.
I am not a proper adult.
:/

I had recently found this old drip/spray watercolor thing I made 20 YEARS AGO. One of those grade school art projects that I always kept packed safely somewhere because I liked it so much. Since I was about 8 or 9 when I did the drippies, it felt appropriate to make a little self-portrait for my 29th and fuse the two.

My real hair was nearing ass-length. Overdue for a cut. Had my mom hack off about 7 inches today.
Felt like a good birthday thing to do.

Huzzah.

Fingers for the record...

A bit of a timeline to bookend the last blow-up.

Finally starting to feel motivated to draw again.

The struggle is real. XD

Junsu on EBS in the morning.

Preview of the acoustic version of Flower.

COME TAKE MY HAAAAAAND....... (gently!^^)

Big ass Junsu/JYJ post...

Been in a funk for a couple months. Very unproductive.
I think it's related to couple things. One that I have about five projects in the works that have me super excited and I always struggle when that happens. It paralyzes me for some reason. The other is that I think I'm dealing with some pre-grief.

DBSK, Kpop, and JYJ have been more than a seven-year investment. In attention. In emotion. In the case of JYJ, deeply felt hurt and joy, which however vicarious have been a huge part of my life. Likely because I don't have much of one, or the one I have is very difficult to navigate right now. So the outside stuff powers a lot of my general energy.

Started feeling drained leading up to the end of March. Then Jaejoong enlisted in the military and I wasn't particularly bothered by it until some of his last media stuff came out. Him breaking down at the end of his last show, which was jarring to see from someone who is usually quite stoic. And his last public messages to Junsu and Yoochun. It's probably the boldest any of them have spoken about the lawsuit stuff, which is interesting. But it really got to me in regards to Junsu, their service overlapping and there being three years of little to no contact. These guys have been constantly, living and working together for like 14 years? 15? And now there will be this big ol' gap in there.
Yeesh. I'm having this hard of a time with Jaejoong. What am I going to do a year from now when it's Junsu....

I'll move on.
Flower.

Junsu's album is beautiful. [Listen on Youtube]
Beautiful.
It's ballad-heavy, narrative-heavy, and taps into all those nuances I love most in his weird voice.
Rating it would be impossible. I'm far too biased. I don't know how an outsider would respond to it. It might be too intimate/personal to appeal to a broader audience. I think he made it entirely to please himself and fans and give himself a setlist for tour.

After listening to it often since release my favorites are:

• Reach
• License to Love
• Love You More
• Love Breath

And those are all ballads. Then there's Flower and Musical in Life. The latter of which is both hilarious and depressing. It's about how he has lived in the bubble of celebrity for so long that he can't experience normal things like falling in love or dating or going out with friends, so he'll live onstage instead. Experience all those things through the characters he plays in musicals, because he otherwise isn't allowed. And it's jazzy and funny and he fucking tapdances to it in concert. Lol.

And the former is the epic fever-dream, which I partially captured in the drawing above.



I wasn't entirely off with the immortal storyline. It is about the passage of time, but it's more about his and JYJ's struggle against the corruption of an industry, which both built and attempted to destroy their careers. And Tablo on the track is just massively poignant and intentional. Both artists ripped apart by the media circus and anti-fans and having to rebuild themselves out of the ruins. And Tablo even showed up to perform his part at the Seoul concert, which melted my face off. Dream of dream collabs fulfilled in mind-blowing fashion.

The dance tracks, Out Of Control, X-Song, and FLP are delightful in concert.
The only song I'm somewhat 'meh' on is Hello Hello, which is a little bit too outdated for me. But I still like it.

License to Love was my initial favorite, but I find myself coming back to Love You More the most.
This was always the case with DBSK back in the day. Their tracks always sound better live, especially ballads. Junsu always sounds better live. And it's the songs that most benefit from the live-ness, which often end up being long-term favorites. I posted a fancam mega-post on Omona for Junsu's concerts (nerve-wracking first post after following Omona for forever) and the process of watching a million different fancams led me to my adoration of Love You More.

He just looks so happy and warm when he performs it.
The lyrics are about being in a relationship with someone who is struggling and going through a hard time. Feeling rather helpless and sad for them, but ensuring that you're there to comfort and hold them, to listen, to help in any way. Even if there is really nothing effective to offer...

Nevermind... love you more.

I cry lots.
Lots and lots.

Junsu got invited to perform on TV for the first time in six years. It's on an EBS show, which is like PBS in the states. That's why they have the balls to have him on. They're not beholden to the power of companies who gift or withhold their idols in a creepy kind of hostage situation. But EBS gave him 40 minutes, 7 songs, and already previewed it on a news segment where they openly talked about SM Entertainment's choke-hold on the networks. EBS HAS BALLS OF TITANIUM.

Very emotional opportunity for Junsu. A huge deal. A sad, but wonderful and huge deal.
That airs on the 30th. I'm paranoid SME will exert some hidden power before then and get it pulled.
Been burned so many times by them I can't even trust this awesomeness until it happens.

Then Junsu will be playing L in the new Korean adaptation of the musical for DeathNote, which is all kinds of intriguing. There has been a Japanese version and I think there might even be a Broadway version in the works? Incredibly odd material to adapt in musical form. But I think Junsu has the voice and physicality to figure it out. Plus Sun-ah will play Misa, so BONUS!

And then I'm trying to imagine my own goals for the next few years.
What will I invest this time and energy into when they're gone? Considering some really specific things like getting heavily into yoga practice again and learning inversions. Could I get a stable handstand within three years? Or to work on my flat feet. They cause me no pain, but maybe now is better than later (or never) for strengthening muscles I don't use properly.

Also /r/thebutton is such a fucking fascinating development...
Finally just got down to 25s tonight. It's always the best times while my fellow Americans are sleeping. I'm a Grey Non-Presser and have no alts. It's likely I'll be sticking with the Greys, but if the Red Guard should require me in the end, I may take up the call.

Peace.

\\V//,

Been super bummed all day. Rough for all Star Trek fans.
But his was a long well-lived life.
The best kind of impact.
So much beautiful work and art.

Thank you, Leonard Nimoy.
I raise my eyebrow to you, sir!

LLAP.

Maybe immortal?

Surprise surprise, a Junsu post.

Two teasers in the last few days.
The first:



The second:



So aside from the general screaming and utter delight... I'm making some guesses as to what the concept is. Of course, it could just be purely aesthetic choices, but I think there is a thread here related to some of Junsu's recent interests. I believe his performance as Dracula is the key.

Considering that, I'm wondering if it is a Man from Earth kind of narrative. Junsu is an immortal character. He's living through many eras as a tribal 'caveman', a gladiator, a wealthy figure/aristocrat in a robot apocalypse... and possibly with his own little horde of minions who do his bidding in each of these periods.

It would be extremely cool if it's something along those lines. Could be something else entirely and that would be equally cool. That's just going to be my prediction for now.

That audio clip gives me chills every time.
I'm so damn excited about this thing it cannot properly be verbalized.

A quick one...

FINGER STATUS:

Back to the usual hints of pink. Even the thumb scar might disappear completely.

Getting back to drawing this week. Woo!

And in other wonderful news...

TABLO AND JUNSU.

MY JOY IS INEXPRESSIBLE.

INEXPRESSIBLE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A WORD.

 WELL, IT IS NOW.

There are a number of people on the list of dream Junsu collaborators, but the top of said list looks like this:

1. Junsu and Hyukjae
2. Junsu and Tablo
3. Other people...

Considering that Hyukjae will likely be impossible until he leaves SME, Tablo is the number one choice of all possible dream collabos.

They "collabed" back in 2007-ish for the Samsung Anyband commercial stuff along with BoA and Jin Bora. Surely none of them had much creative control about the project other than Tablo writing his own lyrics (I assume). Anyway, I've always wanted a DBSK/Epik High collab... or a JYJ/Epik High collab more recently, but DUDE, I WILL TOTALLY TAKE TABLO/JUNSU.

I'LL TAKE THAT ALL DAY LONG.

We have a few preliminary teaser images for Junsu's album to be released March 3rd. Also the tracklist. Also a few details. Naul and Dok2 are  listed as other collaborators (OMG NAUL). We've been told it will be a 'huge transformation' somehow. Diverse genres is a guarantee. Ballads and R&B and dance pop... And the title track 'Flower' is the one with Tablo.

Supposedly, Flower is 'baroque hip-hop' with strings AND a choir AND Tablo AND Jung Sun-ah of Mozart/Dracula fame. I don't know wtf baroque hip-hop will be, but I'm down for that, whatever it is. Tablo is fucking Tablo. And Sun-ah is a super talented babe with a voice that thrills me.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

THIS ALBUM MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL ME.

Cutting corners...

The post previous to the JYJ post was very hopeful finger-wise.
I prepared some prints over the next week, which forced me to use my hand for some technical things and signing. I noticed my fingers were a bit irritated, so I took it easy again.

Then my dad asked me to teach him how to use the mat-cutter so he could frame something for my mom. Cool. I talked him through it. At one point I wanted to wipe the handle for one of the blades to make sure there was no shmutz. For the first time in my life I cut a corner in regards to sharp things. I don't like sharp things. They freak me out. I've had some bad experiences with needles/broken glass, which were out of my control. Spending most of my 28 years doing art things, I've had a multitude of opportunities to take the many exacto blades, razors, stencil-cutters, etching tools, clay tools, etc... for granted. But I never have, because (((shudder))).

Until this moment. Probably because my dad makes me nervous. Instead of removing the blade before wiping the handle (as I have done a dozen times), I left it intact. I'd be careful as always.

Regrets.

Lol.

Cutting corners... I nearly cut the corner off my thumb. *facepalm*

It wasn't that bad. Just a clean 3/4 inch slice. Not deep. But, ya know, panic attacks are a thing. So I spent the next 30 minutes lying on the ground, trying to keep my anxiety under some semblance of control, and keep a paper towel firmly clamped on my thumb. And even though it has been weeks and my thumb has beautifully knitted itself back together, it's making me anxious just writing this.

I am a really fucking anxious person.

Clearly.

Calm yo tits, girl!

FINGER STATUS: (January 3rd)

I took these pictures (with my tablet) about a week after the thumb incident, so it looks great already. As often happens after a big blowup, I compensate for the raw painful areas by using unusual parts of my fingers to do normal daily business things, which have potential to blow up too if I'm not careful. Well, all probably would have been well if I hadn't tried to cut my thumb off. The vice grip I held it with was the final straw. My thumb swelled up huge, more than for just the slicing trauma. And all those compensating spots blew up. So I had a nice little relapse.

As of now, a couple weeks later, all of my fingers look really good. gentle pinks instead of angry purpling reds. All the swelling is down. I'm tempted to draw again still. But I'm trying to not be stupid. I don't want another setback.

Patience.

Gonna keep this quick. One more image. I love my tablet. It's everything I wanted it to be.

The new responsive KPOPPY.com went up. The tablet was a huge help with that... and continues to be.

It has a little drawing program called Dabbler. A few days after I got the tablet I fussed around with it a bit to see what it was like. Haven't done any more because... fingers. But this was 10 minutes of screwing around...

Kinda fun.
Maybe I'll do more quick sketches in the future.
Well, managing viable finger time might delay that for a long while. Lol.
It would be cool to see what I could make with it.

Alright. Better stop before typing makes my fingers angry again.



PS.
Je suis... intolerant of religious bullshit.
Fuck the shitheads who thought they needed to protect their imaginary prophet from ink and pencils with sub-machine guns and RPGs.
And fuck the Pope for suggesting that insulting faith is unacceptable.
Take us out, Tim!

Big JYJ Post

ALBUM REVIEW : JUST US
youtube link to listen

Just Us: Just us... just us... JYJ...



Back Seat: Lead single. I have weird mixed opinions about Back Seat. Yoochun's awkward narration will always be both amusing and frustrating for me. And there is a lot of it on this album. Plus, the lyrics are about making out and having sexy-times with someone in the backseat of a car. Two minds on this. One that I have no interest in such things. One that these guys are almost 30 and it is very age appropriate and refreshing in an odd way, since most of their stuff isn't anywhere near that overt. Maybe Be The One? Anyway, ALL of that aside, I love the track. The melody, the simplicity of vocal + beat, building to a big layered 'crescendo' (I don't know what else to call it). Junsu's voice really jams in this one. ★★★

The MV is the most contemporary looking thing JYJ have ever done... even going back to their DBSK days. It still has some styling issues, but I can dig.

Letting Go: Pleasant melody. Pretty chorus. Straightforward imminent break-up song. Junsu's lyrics. Actually a reversal of the break-up songs he has previously written/performed, which are usually about the significant other 'letting go' and him being the dumped one. Yoochun awkward spoken-word again. And the obligatory bleeped-out "F*** off". Lol. ★★

Age 7: Junsu's solo. Ballad ballad ballad. While the lyrics aren't Junsu's, it sounds like something he would write or what a writer would create inspired by things he had talked about. Sounds like another one about that girl. Very sweet and sad. My favorite Junsu-voice is the quieter one and this song has it in spades. Yet another Junsu ballad that stops me in my tracks if it shuffles into a playlist. Can't help but be attentive and refrain from interrupting his voice with any other noise.
★★★★

Dad, You There?: This one is interesting. Emotionally charged. It sounds like a church song, which is appropriate. Yoochun's lyrics. Quite clearly written about his father who passed away recently while Yoochun was on tour and in the middle of shooting a drama. YC has been open about the strained relationship there. His parents split when they were living in Virginia and it sounds like it was far from amicable. He said he had reconnected with his dadwithin the last few years and had come to a better understanding of each other. I can't even rate this song. It's not made for me. It's for Yoochun and his family. I'm glad he had an opportunity to write it.

So So: I freakin' love So So. I feel like this is the transition into the songs on the album where JYJ just sing the fuck out of everything. It's another break-up song, but the narrative is interesting. Conveying the process of falling out of love over the course of seven days (tied together with the 7 deadly sins) and regretting it all. Love the instrumental and most of the abundant English works really well. Hello husky-voice Junsu. Ooo and another awkward Yoochun narration! XD ★★★★

Sad Dawn (2:30am): Another break-up song. This one being the day after, dwelling on regretting it in the early morning hours. Rough. Hehe. I listen to Sad Dawn pretty frequently still. More of the Jaejoong rock influence in this one. I adore the track. That little military march drum. I love the vocals. I love the rhythm transitions and Jaejoong breaking it down at the bridge. The whole thing has this really satisfying pulse to it. And no English or narration! ★★★★★

Let Me See: This song is my shit. Vocal acrobatics. Nearly acapella. Winding, loping melody. A touch of strings. A touch of piano. Lyrically it's more abstract. Some kind of existential struggle. Poetic. This is the ultimate JaeSu song. I've wanted this song since I first became a fan of DBSK. Junsu and Jaejoong have my favorite voices in Kpop... and beyond. Due to their having the strongest voices of the five they were more likely to sing separately, trading off, with the other members harmonizing with them in turn. Getting a proper duet out of them was a rare and brief thing. Only a few songs in their massive discography feature JaeSu singing together.. and the long part during the Lion Heart cover they did on TV. The repetitive breathy chant-singing parts recall Love in the Ice in a really beautiful way.

Thusly, Let Me See is my crack. I almost get this tangible sense of their voices physically weaving into each other. Gives me chills and makes me gloriously happy. No amount of Yoochun's awkward narration can dim my opinion of this one. I could listen to it forever. ★★★★★



Lazy Life (30): This is Yoochun's baby. And it's so him. It's a smokey dive bar, he's the hired entertainment for the night, and this is what he sings when his buddies show up to heckle him. All personal stories about meeting up with friends and his brother, or seeing Junsu and Jaejoong after a while when they were all too busy. Junsu's infamous EUKYANGKYANG laughter immortalized on a record once again. And a narration that actually works, making plans to go out for drinks with a buddy. Oh, Yoochun, you greasy bastard. Lmao. ★

Baboboy: Favorite song on the album right here. I love the sound of it. Makes me feel good. It's more towards R&B, but it has this vaguely rock thing going on? Even with another awkward Yoochun narration in there, I love this shit. particularly love Jaejoong and Junsu at the bridge. The lyrics are more about the beginning of a relationship, but a potentially unhealthy one, where they are toying with each other. Interesting. Jaejoong's lyrics. And so him. ★★★★★

This one is probably my most favorite to see them performing live. It's like the best of what they all have to offer... at least in the upbeat, playful performance category.
Asia Tour - Thailand fancam

Dear J: Jaejoong's solo. Supposedly Jaejoong wrote these lyrics after being inspired by a dream he had where Angelina Jolie appeared to him in her Maleficent get-up. He had just seen the movie apparently. ROFL. This was brought up during a fanmeeting and came as a hilarious shock to Junsu and Yoochun who were unaware of the origins. Again, so him. Big rock song. It would fit right in with JJ's solo rock albums. I love it. Rock is his wheelhouse and it shows. ★★★★

Creation: Here we go. Creation feels like the perfect fusion of JYJ's talents. Vocal acrobatics from JaeSu, narration and a darker sound from Yoochun, pop, elements of R&B, and rock. It's an epic ballad, but not in a way you typically hear. Jaejoong's lyrics are about perseverance, breaking free, and finding hope for the future. Poetic. Beautiful. It's a big fucking song, but they own it, and it's awesome. I think is the one that many fans and non-fans agree on loving, which is cool. ★★★★★

Valentine: Damn this song for making me so conflicted. Lol. Okay, so it's entirely in English, which I'm always iffy about, but it's not terrible. However small, Chris Brown has some kind of credits on it (with a bunch of other guys). Not even gonna go there. Ahem. It has a sound that fits into my personal taste, R&B-wise. Junsu did a lot of stuff on Incredible in this vein and I loved it for that reason. I think they all sound good on it. ★★

More about their touring and performances after the cut...