Still hate Act 2...

Since the last week has easily qualified as the most terrifying in my life... 

let's have fun with nostalgic terror!

I kind of miss Baal runs for the creative names that would pop up in the list. Snowbaal Fight. Baal Bonds. Baalerina. Alas, gone are the days of endless runs and rushes. Doesn't work that way in Diablo III. I painted this dude from the cover of an LoD strat guide... I think. Probably 10 or 11 years old now. I was digging around in some old scans when I stumbled onto it. What a riot.

<--- As of this screenshot, I'm a level 56 Wizard. Haven't played much in the last week though. Been a rough week. And I'm in Act 2, which is a massive pain in the ass in Hell difficulty. I don't know how I'll manage it in Inferno. The combos on the elite mobs are simply impossible sometimes.

But I love the game! I do! It's really fun. It's certainly an improvement on D2 and LoD in a lot of ways. A few issues here and there, but overall positive.
It's also a visual feast. Particularly the later acts, 4 and 5, are just stunning looking. The design is just shiny and gorgeous. Not to mention the cinematics, which are mind-blowing. I pretty much salivated my way through the first play-through. So pretty.

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
Terrible spoiler warning, but avert your eyes from this little screenshot if you don't want to be spoiled. D3's equivalent of D2's Cow Level is Whimsyshire. I could not stop laughing when I saw it. Yes, this is me, killing a 'Chubby Pink Unicorn'. Beautiful. Many lulz are to be had in there. The Barbarian in the lower right is actually my brother. Oh, the lulz.

A wonderful highlight to an otherwise ugly week.

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I don't mind putting this on the internet.
I've been starting to get help for my anxiety issues. A little therapy, which is more like exposure therapy since the most angst-inducing thing for me is to talk to someone one-on-one. So that's been a blast. To support that therapy it was recommended to try some medication. I've always been reluctant to go there. I like to deal with things intellectually rather than chemically. But I've been desperate enough recently to give it a try. I was prescribed a low dose of Zoloft to start with. Tried it. Had a bad reaction. A really bad reaction.
A few symptoms: numb/tingling arms/hands, crazy dilated pupils, numb lips/tongue, unable to read or type, unable to understand my dad on the phone when he was speaking perfectly clearly... among other things. Essentially, had a full-on panic episode from the stuff. Ended up calling an ambulance to the house and spent the day in the ER. I was coherent for a short while there. Then I went into a totally disassociated psychotic place... basically my brain shutting down to protect itself. I have little memory of the next 4-5 hours. Yee-freaking-haw.
The whole ordeal was essentially my greatest fear. Like, the ambulance-hospital-medical emergency-shots-puking-scenario while also legitimately losing my mind and self.... worst nightmare imaginable and then some. That was my Dementor.

Been sleeping a lot since then, trying to take it easy. I've had a chance to look up bad reactions to Zoloft on the internets and the findings are both fascinating and infuriating. Apparently, a reaction like mine tends to last a while. Like a month. I'm essentially hyper-sensitized, which is the opposite reaction to what the drug is intended to do. I'll be buzzing for a month. My vision is a little screwy. Very sensitive to light and sound. My arms are tingly and strange. I feel anxious all the time. Scattered thoughts. Bursts of headaches. *sigh* So, yeah, here it is. All my apprehension to take medication... validated in the worst way possible. Awesome.

Recovery will take a while and my life will continue to be derailed in the meantime. I'm thinking the best thing will be to draw regularly and work on fun things. That should keep my spirits up. I'm just glad to feel like myself again... mostly. For a while there, I wasn't sure I'd ever pick up the pieces.

Oh, and I love Junsu's album. I suppose that was a given though. ^^
It's the little things, man.
The little things keeping me going.

A breath...

Immortal Coil

While I try to get myself to stop fiddling with the code on my final site for Dreamweaver I'll post my final silkscreen project. We had to use a photo-stencil for at least one run, at least four runs total, and we were encouraged to have it 'mean' something. Plus, it needed to be a 'photo-collage', so I used my own photos of flowers and trees. Mine is (1) the flat background, (2) a ruby lith cut for the yellow to green blend you see below, (3) screen filler to block out for the crimson to red blend, (4) and the photo-stencil printed with a green to brown blend for the overall design. Happy happy happy with the finished product. I had ten prints of the one posted above and they printed totally consistent.

Pardon the distortion of the design. It was windy outside when I took pictures and the paper was moving. The first image is accurate. I have only two prints of this green one, which I might actually like better than the red roses. Made some other variations, too. This marble down below with just the last run and some others printed on top of previous left-over backgrounds.

There it is... another science-related ode. I can repeat the advanced etching class only one more time and there is the rarely available advanced silkscreen class next Spring. Considering both of them, but I'd like to know exactly what pieces I would try to accomplish before taking them. We'll see.

It's hard for me to think about anything future-ish right now. The anxiety is a daily thing. It has completely derailed me from my already slow track. Trying to keep my s*** together.

Compiling...

 

The end of the semester nears. Two weeks to go. About a week and a half actually. Spread out all of my prints from silkscreen at home to put together the final portfolio. Feels rather nice to have a stack of prints almost two inches tall. Productive class.

Also working on final sites/assignments for CSS and Dreamweaver. More staring at code for hours. My eyes are hating me. They'll hate me more once I start playing Diablo III next week. Ha. I'm pretty well on top of my work, so I don't think I'll have to delay that fun. I'm more excited for it now. Not just because the release is nearer, but because I'm in need of the catharsis.

The last few weeks have been weird. I've always had anxiety issues, but it feels like my brain and body have totally betrayed me recently. Even normal daily things have suddenly become massive challenges. Had to step out of class yesterday to walk around the hall because I was freaking out so badly. Felt like I was going to pass out or have a heart attack and could not get my nerves to settle. Ugh. Part of the problem is that I finally got around to seeing a therapist, which I probably should have done a really long time ago. The sessions, being this focused, one-on-one, social obligation, where I'm required to talk at length about myself, are simply hellish. I pretty much feel like I'm dying the whole time and the dread of the next sessions weigh on my chest like an elephant. Feels bad, man. I think it's doing more harm than good at this point. I really don't know what to do about it.

Turning 26 on Tuesday didn't help. The number is like a punch in the gut considering I more closely resemble a 16 year-old with crippling anxiety.
...
Trying to stay positive. My fingers haven't had any swelling problems, which is kind of boggling. Also got my Art Scholarship results in the mail today. Got even more $$$ than I did in 2010, which is really lovely. Then there's Diablo. Oh, and my favorite person singer in the world is releasing his first solo album on the same day. The concept is wild and over-the-top and clearly inspired by his role as Death in Elisabeth. Intense. So, there's that to keep me going through the home-stretch.

Fixing...

 At long last, the sweet sweet violet closure. Glad to have that done. I only printed a few of them and they weren't registered as well as the violet-less ones, but still... HUZZAH! On the left is the only one I printed with the stencils flipped around and I think it looks kind of awesome.

w00t.