I never really had headaches before the zoloft horror-show. The only time was when traveling long distances in the car. I'd get a dull ache that could last a couple days. Those silly travel sickness wristbands that seem like a snake oil thing actually worked for me. No headache at all. Otherwise, not a headache kind of person. Certainly nothing in migraine territory.
I've had about five ocular migraines since that awful freaking day/month on zoloft, the most recent of which was on Monday morning. The scintillation seemed to pop in from nowhere, quickly grew huge and dazzling, and dissipated quicker than the others. Twenty minutes later, the pain hit. There was a jackhammer boring its way out of my my left brow and forehead for upwards of seven hours. A couple hours in I curled up in my bed, fighting nausea with my whole being. Lost that battle. Emptied my stomach multiple times, which for an emetophobe is worst-case scenario. Shaking like a dog shitting razorblades. Writhed and dug deeper into my bed, trying to block out all light, and just... keep... breathing.
Finally managed an hour or two of sleep late that night. Woke exhausted. Head sore. Ate a little. Had a long talk with the folks about the fresh levels of despair. If the Universe was a sentient thing, with vengeful qualities, the last handful of years would be payback for all my complacency. Never did anything risky or reckless or rebellious. Never got into trouble. Kept my grief and depression to myself as a personal challenge. I took the gentle course as often as possible avoiding inherent danger and adventure. I feel like the Universe is reprimanding me for being a wuss. And I'm falling apart.
It's possible that the migraines will be a thing now. It's not uncommon, especially among young women. I just feel like I have no tools to deal with it. I don't have the energy to face surprise skull-explosions along with all the rest. One. More. Thing.
I'm tired.
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Slept a ton Monday night and woke to watch the big game against Manchester United. I was craving quiet, warm, and soft all day. So I stayed in bed and found a stream on my computer. Kept the sound off. Just watched.
Interesting game. The first half was pretty uneventful. Poor Sese got an own goal, which should have never happened because ManU's play was offside to begin with. The second half got REALLY interesting. Nani got a red card for high-cleating Arbeloa in the ribcage. Ow. ManU went down a man. Modric came on, found space in the middle of nowhere, and HAMMERED it into the net. I'm so happy for him! It hasn't been an easy transition into Madrid, but what a moment to make up for it! Only a few minutes later...
A lovely team goal. Modders passes forward to Pipita. Mesut's sweet little backheel return to Pipita who knocks it across the goal... to be tapped in by Crispy. Real Madrid won 2-1. Phew! I feel bad for ManU about the red card (even though I think it was deserved). The momentum changed a lot after that.
Real Madrid's last four games: ManU 1-1, Barcelona 1-3, Barcelona 1-2, ManU 1-2.
Brutal. Take a freakin' vacation guys!
After the game, I slept through most of the day. Just felt worn down to nothing. Better now, but dreading what is to come in the future. Blah.
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JYJ are playing Tokyo Dome. Having won all their lawsuits they're able to sign with a new label in Japan. I think they're trying to keep it quiet until the concerts. Many are hoping for Pony Canyon. Either way, going back to Tokyo Dome is a huge deal. Some fun pictures and videos have come out on Naver. This one could not be cuter, funnier, or more bittersweet...
Gotta love that oldschool YooSu throwback.
Will there ever be a day when all five perform Hug again?
Makes you wonder.
