Took a bit of a drawing break for my hand. All good. Didn't talk about it last time, but Sora the Scrub Jay is gone. Haven't seen her since a storm we had a few weeks ago. Almost exactly a year after Aoi left the same way. Her offspring, Tasu is still here, but uncomfortable around me. Two new jays have been hanging around ever since. One that won't come near. The other I'm calling GeroGero, because there's a unique croak to their voice. GeroGero is bolder and intrigued by me, but very cautious.
Gotta admit that losing both Aoi and Sora after such long relationships kinda killed me. Sora especially has been really important to me during the last couple of years. Extremely glad I took some video and did drawings of her recently. We never had pets growing up... well... we had fish, but yeah. I realize I'm feeling the pain of losing a pet for the first time. She just happened to be wild.
Maybe she's just off nesting somewhere else, but I'm not keeping up any hope that she'll return.
...
So I was already kind of low. Then a fucking ship full of children flipped over and sank in South Korea.
Fucking fuck.
Been following that story for the last few days. It's just... fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck... etc...
My attachment to Kpop stuff is irrelevant. It's just another fucking horrifying senseless tragedy and it's agonizing to look at the pictures and know that the missing are RIGHT THERE and yet unreachable and I'm just angry and sad about the whole thing and feel totally deflated.
As I sometimes do when I'm feeling sad and brain-numb, I went to Youtube and watched a tragic ballet. Romeo & Juliet. Drew Ferri and zoned the fuck out...
Fuck.
I'm sad.
I'm okay, but I'm fucking sad.
Arsenal made it through to the FA cup final after a white-knuckle anxious semi-final that went to penalties. Exhausting. Mes might be back in the team for the PL game on Sunday. Positive things.
I'm gonna go eat an apple with some peanut butter.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
A little limbo...
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| /r/sketchdaily submission to the Ballet theme - Guillem, Lopatkina, and Zakharova. |
Waiting for a couple of currently de-swelling fingers so I can get back to drawing projects and I'm thinking about the major news of the week. Malaysia Airliner MH370. Now, most likely the fate of this plane and those on-board is already determined, we're just not informed yet. But all I can think of when I see some new report or counter-report is the families and friends of those passengers.
It's awful enough to experience the common tragedies of car accidents or heart attacks. Lives lost quickly. And you grieve. You'll think of plans to make with that person and remember with a violent shock that they are gone and suddenly you're crumbling and swaying like gravity is pulling you in all the wrong ways. But the days pass and the waves crash a little less hard. You finished that chapter and you must read on.
Unless you're caught in the footnote on that page and you find that the rest of the book has been torn from the binding and lost. And you realize it must have torn off in your friend's bag, which is at their house, or with them at school, or maybe it's actually in your room somewhere. You can't be sure. And you don't know if there are twenty chapters to go or twenty pages or if you've already read the end and only the back cover is missing. But surely there must be more?
I keep thinking about how their families must be caught in the deepest and most sickening part of grief. Where there are too many questions and variables and maybe you can still see your loved one again... or not? Or maybe yes? Or no? And I can't imagine waking to that everyday or attempting to sleep or functioning... at all. If hell were a real place I think it would be that. Being endlessly caught in an unsettled place with no possible closure.
I've felt like I was there for much of my life, but it's mostly a passive and gentle thing. Not even a molecule of what they're going through. And dammit I hope it's solved soon.
Then there's Ukraine and Venezuela, Turkey and even Australia now. Transitions and unsolved issues of their own.
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| "MOM! CAN I KEEP HIM!" |
Giroud is quite a character. If only he could finish as competently as he cuddles. Lol. I'm an asshole.
Arsenal have wildly exceeded my expectations. Freaking everyone but the center-backs is injured now. How the hell are they still near the top of the table?!??!!! Incredible. I know the long-time fans are super depressed and angry, but geez, I'm all pleased as punch and shit. So that's fun. Good chance of the FA Cup and placing decently for the league. No shame in that! Also really happy to see Real Madrid doing well. Seems like Ancelotti kind of swung back towards using a lot of the older team rather than the newbies. And DiMaria has managed to do well waaay out of his position. Fine job! I hope they win the league. Too bad Sami hasn't been able to play after his ACL. I still want him to get a trophy! And Benz, too!
And the little nephew is getting his first teeth in. That's a fun transition. Ha!
I better stop typing or my fingers will actually fall off my hand.
Maybe movie stuff next time?
Out.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Re-visiting...
As I'm getting into a steadier clip of drawing, I've opened some old sketchbooks and perused ideas. Old pieces that I abandoned for lack of skill or time or confidence... one of which was 'The Seamstress'. It was a project I worked on for etching class and got the first handful of states on it and got less and less happy with how it was evolving. After many bouts of scraping and re-etching and scraping again it was downright ugly.

Ick. Makes me cringe. Lol.
I still like the whimsy/fantasy of the original idea, so I revisited the piece with graphite instead. It's much better now and is close to completion. Just filling out the borders and making final decisions about coloring. The hummingbird above is hovering to the left and the sewing lady is drawn with the same style/detail.
I'll probably be re-visiting lots of old pieces that I liked, but didn't have the skill to execute at the time. Really satisfying to go back and nail down what you couldn't before.
Been watching lots of curling. Heh. Norway should win gold by default for their pants.
In 8-ish hours the shit will be hitting the fan at the Emirates. Champions League game. Arsenal vs. Bayern Munich. Lawd have mercy. The expectation is that Bayern will totally slay. Probably true... but stranger things have happened. Should be an exciting game regardless. There'll be like a million Germans on the pitch. Practically the entire starting 11 for the German National Team, which I love dearly. That'll be fun/hilarious.
ALL ZE GERMANS!
Recently learned that the art teacher I've learned the most from is retiring after 30 years. Got me emotional. Fantastic teacher. Perfect balance of critical and encouraging and just a ridiculous wealth of knowledge.
...kind of a bittersweet note.
I'm craving chocolate cake right now. What in the world. I don't even like cake.
O.o
Friday, February 7, 2014
All that is gold...
Got to doodling and overlaying and flipping and coloring and...
somewhat gilding the lily.
Heh. Kinda wild.
Big rainstorm coming. Woo!
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