Another Kpopcalypse...

Oh, Kpop... how I love and hate you. Hahaha.

I feel a bit cruel as I go along with the default expectation that another Kpopcalypse is always around the corner. It's just a matter of who is the next victim. SME's gargantuan hype-train for EXO has been in a dead-sprint for two years. It was only a matter of time before something went off the rails. I never go into the group. Haven't really delved into any group since the DBSK Kpopcalypse. But the news today certainly perked up my eyes and ears. Looks like one of the 12 members of the group has sued SME. So this is the... what... 4th? 5th time an SME artist has sued the company? And that's just the big cases. Who knows what kind of madness goes on internally.

There's a kind of sick delight in seeing the dark Kpop underbelly in the light of day every once in a while. Especially SME's. Lol. Anyway, EXO fans are absolutely losing their shit. A lot of DBSK/JYJ fans are trying to help console them, including myself, which is all kinds of sad and vaguely adorable. Definitely feel bad for the kid though. Kris. He's alone in the suit. It'll be just like Hangeng. Contract terminated and bye byeeeeeee.

Meanwhile, as a reminder of the aforementioned DBSK Kpopcalypse, Junsu held a couple concerts in Japan and performed a medley of the old Tohoshinki songs. He has been doing those 'Genie Time' segments at his concerts for a few years now and the most popular 'wishes' from Japanese fans have been singing the old songs. He must have realized the fans were really craving to hear them again and he delivered in exquisitely bittersweet form:


I wept... so much.
You can hear fans sobbing in every fancam.
E-m-o-t-i-o-n-a-l as fuck.
And on the technical side, rather impressive. Junsu's voice has really grown with all these musicals and solo tours. Incredible to hear the old songs sung with his fully matured voice. Hard enough to sing his actual part from Love in the Ice, much less with all the following lines that he would usually be breathing through. And so much practice keeping it relatively steady while crying. Done that a lot in the last few years I guess. But yeah, him breaking down at the end and the audience like a choir building to lift him back up.
ALL MY TEARS. ALL OF THEM.
Just such a touching gesture that he did it at all. So special.

A little tribute to each of the excerpted songs...

Begin: One of my favorites. Incredible blend when they sang this as five. Reminds me of watching their DVD commentary and Changmin was teasing Junsu (as usual) trying to get him to say what 'begin' meant. And after much banter, Junsu deadpanned 'hajimarusaaaaaaaaa' and they all lost it.

Stand By You: Beloved to all fans as it was the song they were promoting when they performed at Tokyo Dome and the audience turned the classic DBSK Red Ocean into a sea of blue as a surprise for them.

Sky: For being the summer anthem and a standard for every tour and A-Nation. An absolute ton of bubbly energy and fan-service during their final tour before the split.

Heart, Mind & Soul: For being the very first DBSK concert performance I looked up on Youtube forever ago. Their 1st Japan tour. And Junsu walked out and my jaw dropped when he belted this part and nailed it. Essentially it's exactly the song which made me a Junsu stan. Beautifully done at Tokyo Dome, too, once all their voices had developed and gotten familiarized with Japanese.

Love in the Ice: A treasure of a song that blew my mind when they first performed it at Soul Power and Yoochun went up an octave during the bridge. When they started including it in concerts Junsu said that it felt like he was taking years off his life every time he got through his part.

Proud: Instant trigger for tears for all fans because of the double encore performance when they played the Budoukan. An achievement that made them all feel like they had made it. The brutal work and isolation in Japan had been worth it. And Yoochun cried. Which made Junsu cry. And they had a moment.

Asu wa Kuru Kara: My favorite DBSK song. Period. With lyrics I've quoted in this blog a few times. A chorus that I have had to remind myself of often in the last couple years. And it's also Junsu's baby. His personal favorite. A song that always made him teary, which he countered during rehearsals by replacing the epic 'Harukanaaaaa' (far away) with 'Hanagikaaaaaa' (nose ring). Lmao.


Oh, and during the actual Genie Time, he was requested to sing the Japanese version of 'Let It Go'. Even though I'm sick of the song, and hearing it just makes me depressed now that I've seen the movie... I could hear Junsu sing it all damn day:



Cheeky pianist jumping in. Cuuuuute.

Aaaaand... he's doing Dracula for his next musical. As Dracula. Ahem. :D

Another ding...

Not much new to add. 28. Another birthday accompanied by a sad little *ding*. Ha!
As per tradition, the weather turned grey and drizzly for me today, which I appreciated. That's not sarcasm, btw.

I sprained my right ankle... let's see... two weeks ago. While jogging. No good deed goes unpunished. Lol. It's not terrible. I could walk on it pretty quickly. Iced/elevated it immediately, which helped a ton. Just been bummed out because I was doing pretty well with the running. So I've been doing lots of weight-lifting, abdominal stuff, and careful squats while it heals. Probably won't feel comfortable with normal ankle-use for a few months still. At least. Blaaargh!

The above sketch was a meditative stream of conscious thing for The Art Assignment on Youtube. Still want to do a few of the other projects. Love all the educational stuff Vlogbrothers and Co. are always working on. Fun to participate.

Been watching a metric fuck-ton of shows. Mad Men has been good. Game of Thrones has been excessively rape-y, which is obnoxious and gross, but most of the other plots are great. Just started watching Orphan Black a few days ago and marathoned it in record time. That is a faaaaassst-moving show. Incredibly hard to stop watching. Love it, but I'm concerned it will go the way of Alias or Lost before long. Still trying to get through all of Star Trek. I have come to the much-dreaded original series. The women characters are insufferable. Every plot thus far has been focused on a woman. And the women are all fragile, whimpering, incompetent, decorative, seductresses, who are humored by the men. A show like Mad Men puts a lot of these old sexist ideas on display to bring the awfulness of it to the viewer's attention. But Star Trek is actually from that era and it's nearly unbearable to watch. Dammit. I'm hoping it will improve in the 2nd and 3rd seasons... if I can ever push through the 1st.

Saw Frozen finally and have mixed feelings. It looks pretty. Not a fan of the music. What I pulled from the overall message is not like anything I've heard in any media review until I just now googled it. To me, it was a metaphor... allegory? Ahem... I'll use metaphor... for dealing with mental illness as a society. Elsa's innate nature is unique to her, but potentially dangerous and just generally foreign and scary to everyone else. So she is told to hide it away. She is isolated and conditioned to fear herself and the outside world. She is a problem that must be suppressed and kept away from other people. It's confirmed that she's dangerous when she accidentally hurts her sister.

The reaction of the community is to help her sister heal. True love kisses and all that. Put a bandaid on it. In the end, her sister finally breaks the mold and instead of going for the expected fixes, sacrifices her own comfort to save/reconnect with Elsa. This helps Elsa 'heal', which heals everyone in turn and then happily ever after yada yada figure skating.

I don't know how obvious this was to anyone else watching it. It jumped at me immediately because it's my own experience. I started sobbing and had to pause the movie when her father gave her the gloves as a small child. Holy shit. Yeah. Kinda close to home.

Anyway, I have mixed feelings, because the media and everyone has been so obsessed with the movie and the song that we've all heard a million times too many, and I haven't seen a single serious discussion about the underlying story being related to mental illness. Lots about sexism, pressure on young girls to conform, that kind of thing. But that's not what I got out of it at all. Not sure how to feel about that. It also made me hate the song more. All the associations are about empowerment and being a badass, but in the mental illness narrative, the song is Elsa's desperation to isolate herself further and this choice nearly destroys everything.

Wow. I had no intention of rambling on about this.

GeroGero has quickly become very friendly. Almost enough to make me think it was Sora, but with totally different routine behaviors, unlike any other Scrub Jay I've seen. Definitely a different bird. Cool.

Loss...

Took a bit of a drawing break for my hand. All good. Didn't talk about it last time, but Sora the Scrub Jay is gone. Haven't seen her since a storm we had a few weeks ago. Almost exactly a year after Aoi left the same way. Her offspring, Tasu is still here, but uncomfortable around me. Two new jays have been hanging around ever since. One that won't come near. The other I'm calling GeroGero, because there's a unique croak to their voice. GeroGero is bolder and intrigued by me, but very cautious.

Gotta admit that losing both Aoi and Sora after such long relationships kinda killed me. Sora especially has been really important to me during the last couple of years. Extremely glad I took some video and did drawings of her recently. We never had pets growing up... well... we had fish, but yeah. I realize I'm feeling the pain of losing a pet for the first time. She just happened to be wild.

Maybe she's just off nesting somewhere else, but I'm not keeping up any hope that she'll return.

...

So I was already kind of low. Then a fucking ship full of children flipped over and sank in South Korea.

Fucking fuck.

Been following that story for the last few days. It's just... fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck... etc...
My attachment to Kpop stuff is irrelevant. It's just another fucking horrifying senseless tragedy and it's agonizing to look at the pictures and know that the missing are RIGHT THERE and yet unreachable and I'm just angry and sad about the whole thing and feel totally deflated.

As I sometimes do when I'm feeling sad and brain-numb, I went to Youtube and watched a tragic ballet. Romeo & Juliet. Drew Ferri and zoned the fuck out...

Fuck.
I'm sad.
I'm okay, but I'm fucking sad.

Arsenal made it through to the FA cup final after a white-knuckle anxious semi-final that went to penalties. Exhausting. Mes might be back in the team for the PL game on Sunday. Positive things.

I'm gonna go eat an apple with some peanut butter.

A little limbo...

/r/sketchdaily submission to the Ballet theme  -  Guillem, Lopatkina, and Zakharova.

I'm both entrenched in and fascinated by in-between-ness. Alleyways betwixt buildings. Stuck in ruts. Spinning wheels. Transitions. Limbo. Liaison. Breezeways and corridors. Bridges and tunnels. Unable to move forward while trying to not look back. Waiting.

Waiting for a couple of currently de-swelling fingers so I can get back to drawing projects and I'm thinking about the major news of the week. Malaysia Airliner MH370. Now, most likely the fate of this plane and those on-board is already determined, we're just not informed yet. But all I can think of when I see some new report or counter-report is the families and friends of those passengers.

It's awful enough to experience the common tragedies of car accidents or heart attacks. Lives lost quickly. And you grieve. You'll think of plans to make with that person and remember with a violent shock that they are gone and suddenly you're crumbling and swaying like gravity is pulling you in all the wrong ways. But the days pass and the waves crash a little less hard. You finished that chapter and you must read on.

Unless you're caught in the footnote on that page and you find that the rest of the book has been torn from the binding and lost. And you realize it must have torn off in your friend's bag, which is at their house, or with them at school, or maybe it's actually in your room somewhere. You can't be sure. And you don't know if there are twenty chapters to go or twenty pages or if you've already read the end and only the back cover is missing. But surely there must be more?

I keep thinking about how their families must be caught in the deepest and most sickening part of grief. Where there are too many questions and variables and maybe you can still see your loved one again... or not? Or maybe yes? Or no? And I can't imagine waking to that everyday or attempting to sleep or functioning... at all. If hell were a real place I think it would be that. Being endlessly caught in an unsettled place with no possible closure.

I've felt like I was there for much of my life, but it's mostly a passive and gentle thing. Not even a molecule of what they're going through. And dammit I hope it's solved soon.

Then there's Ukraine and Venezuela, Turkey and even Australia now. Transitions and unsolved issues of their own.

"MOM! CAN I KEEP HIM!"

And on the much less serious side, Mesut's first season with Arsenal. Had an absolutely brilliant game against Everton. Then screwed up his hamstring in the opening minutes against Bayern and continued to play on it gingerly for the rest of the first half. D'awww. Poor kid. Out for a few weeks with the press ripping him to pieces. Just like Madrid. Lol. At least there were really ridiculously adorable pictures from Everton to hold us fans over. XD

Giroud is quite a character. If only he could finish as competently as he cuddles. Lol. I'm an asshole.

Arsenal have wildly exceeded my expectations. Freaking everyone but the center-backs is injured now. How the hell are they still near the top of the table?!??!!! Incredible. I know the long-time fans are super depressed and angry, but geez, I'm all pleased as punch and shit. So that's fun. Good chance of the FA Cup and placing decently for the league. No shame in that! Also really happy to see Real Madrid doing well. Seems like Ancelotti kind of swung back towards using a lot of the older team rather than the newbies. And DiMaria has managed to do well waaay out of his position. Fine job! I hope they win the league. Too bad Sami hasn't been able to play after his ACL. I still want him to get a trophy! And Benz, too!

And the little nephew is getting his first teeth in. That's a fun transition. Ha!
I better stop typing or my fingers will actually fall off my hand.

Maybe movie stuff next time?
Out.