Disconnected...

I've had no internet for more than four days. The modem died... or the DSL... or something.
We'll be switching to U-verse on the 6th or 7th, but it was looking like I'd be internetless for a week and a half. First-world problems.

I was starting to feel like a raving lunatic.
I know how unhealthy it is to be dependent on any one thing. Especially a technology thing.
But when I'm disconnected I realize just how intertwined it is with my daily life. It's all my work. All my social connections. All my reference. All my understanding of what is happening in the world.

And currently, while I'm still very much a hermit and working through severe anxiety problems... it really is my whole life.
Outside of the net, I eat, sleep, exercise, do chores, shower occasionally, and feed the neighborhood birds. That's it. It's all important and necessary, but when you have chronic depression, it might as well be death. Listlessness and duty and anxiety. All the things I'm passionately involved with, whether it's art or education or soccer or music, they're what keep me going day-to-day, and they're all on the net.

Healthy? Not really.
Reality? Very much yes.

It turned me into a detached asshole who couldn't sleep and wasn't motivated to do anything.
Well, I'm a detached asshole anyway, but it's the stuff on the net that charges my battery enough to not behave like an asshole outwardly.

A couple days I could stand.
A few more days of withering and worrying and I got quiet and tired.
Earlier tonight, my pops plugged the modem in elsewhere and it worked. My mom used it for like 15 minutes. When I tried to reconnect my computer. It died. And I snapped. Asshole.

My pops spent a few hours setting up a cheap netgear router for the interim and after a lot of frustration, got it going. It's weak, and every time I see the network zero out I get nervous, but I'll take it.
Quickly trying to get through a bunch of things in case it goes out again. Including this.

Yada fritada.
Read a couple of books in the meantime. Watched like eight movies. Lol. Finished some art pieces I'll be putting up as prints. And played with some new pens I stocked up on last week.

Found a white pen that's pretty brilliant. Giddyup.

Hopefully I can get back into that great groove I was in. Very productive.

Internet, ganbatte!

Productivity...

I hit a proper art phase. That hasn't happened in... well, at least two years probably. Strong ideas for pieces popping in all sparkly and fully-formed. Some new. Some updates of older inklings. It's a bit torturous since I'm seemingly always going to be babying my fingers, but I've been drawing more and more and they still hold up with only the lightest swelling and sensitivity, so I'm ramping things up.

Steadily dumping these Mesut-y sketches onto my Tumblr after every game (or two). Saturday's game against Crystal Palace still needs to go up, but I have a feeling he won't be playing until next Saturday. All of the starters should be taking a much-needed break for the mid-week Cup game. Frankly, it has been quite the ride. I had no great expectations of success at Arsenal, but these boys have been Top of the League since Mes joined and maintaining their momentum despite injuries/exhaustion. I feel spoiled. The Norwich game alone was the stuff of fairy tales. Meanwhile, Real Madrid is struggling. Ancelotti's 'system' is not clicking. Makes me wish Khedira and Benzema would bail and join Arsenal in January.

Bring on the compilations, Gooners! (Nice song, btw)

Got to meet my 3-month old #1 favorite nephew. Just so happens that he is the cutest baby I've ever seen. Seriously. I'm not much of a baby fan, whether family or not, but sweet tapdancing Odin... the little tyke is so cute it makes you squirm and squee involuntarily.

Anyway, back to art and productivity. If I can get a few pieces finished I might do the typical print-shop thing. Like Society6 or something. Perhaps by the end of the year. Not long off, but I have some stuff well in-progress. Still too timid to actually paint with actual paint. Too much going well right now to risk the use of my hand. So, just digital. Then I'd like to refurbish Kpoppy for it's first birthday. I've already coded all the structure for that. Just need to update a bunch of content. Aaaaand, what else? Oh gosh, I might try to do NaNoWriMo this year. Likely setting myself up for total failure there. Hahaha. Especially with all the art stuff. But there's this story my brain is fixated on that I want to just get down. I'm a shit writer, but I want to challenge myself to go for it. Typing extensively can irritate my fingers though, so I'll stop if anything threatens.

Still playing with those paisleys...

Off to bed!

I do art things sometimes...

Sometimes...
Not of the greatest quality.
But sometimes.

Thusly, a little set of zentangle doodle experimenty thingy-mabobs:

Electric Paisley

Lil Tangles

Oceania

Exploring some odd color combinations that I would otherwise not choose.
Playing. Satisfying.
I've actually begun drawing again. Not just simple zentangles, but some proper graphite renderings. Sketchy still, but my fingers have been resilient through each test. In that regard, I had an idea to make a little Özil sketch after every Arsenal game during the season. Could be an amusing series. Mostly just amusing for me, but I might post them to my art tumblr if I can keep up with it.

A little preview. The actual series will be only greyscale... I think. Mesut played his first game for Arsenal last Saturday. He had a stomach bug. Poor kid. Wenger wouldn't have played him if the team wasn't so thin due to injuries/illness. Despite being sick, coming off of two successful International games, being slammed by nasty Spanish press, and having his life turned upside-down... he made his first assist for the club after just 11 minutes. And it was a beauty. Great long pass from Gibbs as Mesut took off down the left wing. Timed his run to have the ball come down over his left shoulder, split-stretched to slow its fall with the perfect touch of his left foot, passed it with an exquisite nutmeg to Giroud, who knocked it into the goal with a perfect finish.

Jokes were made that he adjusted rather quickly to the Premier League. I couldn't stop laughing. Partly from how great it was. Mostly from relief.

His debut at the Emirates (Arsenal's home stadium) is in... about 2 hours. My schedule is a bit screwy again, but NBC has full game replays online, which is amazing.

Alright. That's all. I'm off.

Gone to the Gooners...

"In WTF news... Real Madrid bought Gareth Bale. Not sure if I want. The midfield is already cramped. Could be great, but if our bug-eyed, crinkly-eared hero doesn't get the minutes he deserves, we're gonna have a problem."

During Bale's presentation at the Bernebau, Madristas were chanting, begging for Perez to not sell Özil. For more than a day, rumors flew that Arsenal had made a record-breaking bid for Mesut.

A problem... we have.

30 minutes to the end of the transfer window...

dear fans of real madrid,

thank you very much for three wonderful years with all of you. my time at real madrid was unique and special for me. sometimes things develop differently, than i would have expected them to a few days ago.
although I’m leaving real madrid I wish you and the team the very best for the future.

now I’m looking forward to my new club: THE GUNNERS!

And there you have it. One of the best players in the world, arguably the best central attacking midfielder in the world, one of the most beloved players by Madridistas and all football fans alike, happy, committed, and living his dream to play for Real Madrid and train with Zidane...

Forced out.

Forced out, because Perez wanted Bale as his shiny new toy and Ancelotti had to reform the midfield around that. Mesut's position disappeared. They forced him out.

Heartbreaking.

Luckily, Mesut is away from the chaos in Spain, training with the German National Team for a WCQ on Friday. And likely got the critical information he needed from his teammates Podolski and Mertesacker that he would be loved and trusted at Arsenal. Mesut hoped to retire in Madrid, but seeing how quickly they were ready to dispense with him, he probably decided he would prefer to go where he would be welcomed with open arms and confidence. What a shitty position to be in though. Geez.

All I can hope is that he'll be energized by the transition rather than deflated.
He didn't deserve that treatment. Hopefully he'll be able to rise above and do well with his new team.

Arsenal. The Gunners.
Apparently the saying goes, "Once a gooner, always a gooner."
We shall see.