Disconnected...

I've had no internet for more than four days. The modem died... or the DSL... or something.
We'll be switching to U-verse on the 6th or 7th, but it was looking like I'd be internetless for a week and a half. First-world problems.

I was starting to feel like a raving lunatic.
I know how unhealthy it is to be dependent on any one thing. Especially a technology thing.
But when I'm disconnected I realize just how intertwined it is with my daily life. It's all my work. All my social connections. All my reference. All my understanding of what is happening in the world.

And currently, while I'm still very much a hermit and working through severe anxiety problems... it really is my whole life.
Outside of the net, I eat, sleep, exercise, do chores, shower occasionally, and feed the neighborhood birds. That's it. It's all important and necessary, but when you have chronic depression, it might as well be death. Listlessness and duty and anxiety. All the things I'm passionately involved with, whether it's art or education or soccer or music, they're what keep me going day-to-day, and they're all on the net.

Healthy? Not really.
Reality? Very much yes.

It turned me into a detached asshole who couldn't sleep and wasn't motivated to do anything.
Well, I'm a detached asshole anyway, but it's the stuff on the net that charges my battery enough to not behave like an asshole outwardly.

A couple days I could stand.
A few more days of withering and worrying and I got quiet and tired.
Earlier tonight, my pops plugged the modem in elsewhere and it worked. My mom used it for like 15 minutes. When I tried to reconnect my computer. It died. And I snapped. Asshole.

My pops spent a few hours setting up a cheap netgear router for the interim and after a lot of frustration, got it going. It's weak, and every time I see the network zero out I get nervous, but I'll take it.
Quickly trying to get through a bunch of things in case it goes out again. Including this.

Yada fritada.
Read a couple of books in the meantime. Watched like eight movies. Lol. Finished some art pieces I'll be putting up as prints. And played with some new pens I stocked up on last week.

Found a white pen that's pretty brilliant. Giddyup.

Hopefully I can get back into that great groove I was in. Very productive.

Internet, ganbatte!