I think it's related to couple things. One that I have about five projects in the works that have me super excited and I always struggle when that happens. It paralyzes me for some reason. The other is that I think I'm dealing with some pre-grief.
DBSK, Kpop, and JYJ have been more than a seven-year investment. In attention. In emotion. In the case of JYJ, deeply felt hurt and joy, which however vicarious have been a huge part of my life. Likely because I don't have much of one, or the one I have is very difficult to navigate right now. So the outside stuff powers a lot of my general energy.
Started feeling drained leading up to the end of March. Then Jaejoong enlisted in the military and I wasn't particularly bothered by it until some of his last media stuff came out. Him breaking down at the end of his last show, which was jarring to see from someone who is usually quite stoic. And his last public messages to Junsu and Yoochun. It's probably the boldest any of them have spoken about the lawsuit stuff, which is interesting. But it really got to me in regards to Junsu, their service overlapping and there being three years of little to no contact. These guys have been constantly, living and working together for like 14 years? 15? And now there will be this big ol' gap in there.
Yeesh. I'm having this hard of a time with Jaejoong. What am I going to do a year from now when it's Junsu....
I'll move on.
Flower.
Junsu's album is beautiful. [Listen on Youtube]
Beautiful.
It's ballad-heavy, narrative-heavy, and taps into all those nuances I love most in his weird voice.
Rating it would be impossible. I'm far too biased. I don't know how an outsider would respond to it. It might be too intimate/personal to appeal to a broader audience. I think he made it entirely to please himself and fans and give himself a setlist for tour.
After listening to it often since release my favorites are:
- Reach
- License to Love
- Love You More
- Love Breath
And the former is the epic fever-dream, which I partially captured in the drawing above.
I wasn't entirely off with the immortal storyline. It is about the passage of time, but it's more about his and JYJ's struggle against the corruption of an industry, which both built and attempted to destroy their careers. And Tablo on the track is just massively poignant and intentional. Both artists ripped apart by the media circus and anti-fans and having to rebuild themselves out of the ruins. And Tablo even showed up to perform his part at the Seoul concert, which melted my face off. Dream of dream collabs fulfilled in mind-blowing fashion.
The dance tracks, Out Of Control, X-Song, and FLP are delightful in concert.
The only song I'm somewhat 'meh' on is Hello Hello, which is a little bit too outdated for me. But I still like it.
License to Love was my initial favorite, but I find myself coming back to Love You More the most.
This was always the case with DBSK back in the day. Their tracks always sound better live, especially ballads. Junsu always sounds better live. And it's the songs that most benefit from the live-ness, which often end up being long-term favorites. I posted a fancam mega-post on Omona for Junsu's concerts (nerve-wracking first post after following Omona for forever) and the process of watching a million different fancams led me to my adoration of Love You More.
He just looks so happy and warm when he performs it.
The lyrics are about being in a relationship with someone who is struggling and going through a hard time. Feeling rather helpless and sad for them, but ensuring that you're there to comfort and hold them, to listen, to help in any way. Even if there is really nothing effective to offer...
Nevermind... love you more.
I cry lots.
Lots and lots.
Junsu got invited to perform on TV for the first time in six years. It's on an EBS show, which is like PBS in the states. That's why they have the balls to have him on. They're not beholden to the power of companies who gift or withhold their idols in a creepy kind of hostage situation. But EBS gave him 40 minutes, 7 songs, and already previewed it on a news segment where they openly talked about SM Entertainment's choke-hold on the networks. EBS HAS BALLS OF TITANIUM.
Very emotional opportunity for Junsu. A huge deal. A sad, but wonderful and huge deal.
That airs on the 30th. I'm paranoid SME will exert some hidden power before then and get it pulled.
Been burned so many times by them I can't even trust this awesomeness until it happens.
Then Junsu will be playing L in the new Korean adaptation of the musical for DeathNote, which is all kinds of intriguing. There has been a Japanese version and I think there might even be a Broadway version in the works? Incredibly odd material to adapt in musical form. But I think Junsu has the voice and physicality to figure it out. Plus Sun-ah will play Misa, so BONUS!
And then I'm trying to imagine my own goals for the next few years.
What will I invest this time and energy into when they're gone? Considering some really specific things like getting heavily into yoga practice again and learning inversions. Could I get a stable handstand within three years? Or to work on my flat feet. They cause me no pain, but maybe now is better than later (or never) for strengthening muscles I don't use properly.
Also /r/thebutton is such a fucking fascinating development...
Finally just got down to 25s tonight. It's always the best times while my fellow Americans are sleeping. I'm a Grey Non-Presser and have no alts. It's likely I'll be sticking with the Greys, but if the Red Guard should require me in the end, I may take up the call.
